Gee, stuff's happening. Lotsa stuff. Not sure what to make of it - have a look.
First coupla days were pretty quiet. I was trying to get bits of me to work on their own (not terribly successfully) and I was trying to shake off the horrible feeling of time-laden doom Ericol had left me with. Wasn't doing too great at that either. Splitting my brain in two worked sorta well, but better when I had a Logrus connection between us. Some dudes from Amerika came through the forest, The Precident or something. Apparently it was to do with the mare elections in the city and Caine won those and I'm glad about that because it sorta confirms what I was saying all along about working for people, yes? They must want to or they wouldn't have voted for him. Anyway The Precident wasn't very scared even though he was a human (I think), which means he's either a nimrod or I've got real rusty at scaring ... he's a nimrod.
Anyway, I'd already gotten a morning off to tell Nadia about Fiona and to ask her about Krysalis, because basically I don't know nearly as much about her as I'd like. I don't know what stuff she likes particularly or anything and she seems to know what I like and I feel kinda ... kinda ... deficient. Nadia says that Krysalis likes music and I think she meant the tinkly girly sort so I went into town to get something for Krysalis before she went home. Seemed to work out okay and Nadia says she's getting along with Bardok okay, even if he is used to getting his own way all the time (it's probably genetic).
So, I finally got my Logrus all the way to the Realm and I said hi to Risel, who's sorta like to Krysalis what Mandor is to me as far as I can tell from what she's said. All the more reason to make it easy for her to be at home, right? Anyway, off she went, but she said she'd come back soon, even though I said she didn't have to.
Julian wanted to map bits of his forest that went out into Shadow and asked me if I wanted to come along. Bits of it were kinda cool, I wish I'd been in a better mood when he showed me. I asked what he thought of Chaos and he said we were a menace, because it's his job to protect Amber. I can kinda see why he'd think that, I don't like all the Chaosite attacks any more than he does, I mean, every time they attack it just shows I need to try harder at my job, right? I asked Julian what he did when he was tired of the forest and he said he went into Shadows that he liked. He wouldn't tell me anything about them because he was afraid I'd gatecrash, which wasn't why I was asking, you know? I just wanted to talk to him about stuff, about anything, but he didn't want to so I just shut up. It's hard to forget what you're missing when no-one will talk to you - properly that is, not like Ericol does. 'Snot Julian's fault, he tried to be nice about it. I guess he's just naturally stoic.
J'hoss came through the forest and said he was looking for Ericol because Roody was gonna have his baby and they were holding a Chaosing. He said I should tell Mandor too (he's Dara's kid, apparently - t'riffic). After he'd left I gave Mandor a call to tell him and he was in Amber. I guess I was sorta out of line, but I didn't even know he was there and one of the reasons I was so miserable is because I didn't think he was, you know? Anyway he came through and I downloaded all the stuff from the last few days and told him about the Chaosing. He told me what Ericol had been laughing about, sort of - bastard, I told him not to take the piss outta my boss.
Mandor said we could play Gorblats if I wanted to and produced a bag fulla stuff outta nowhere, which I still say is neat as hell. I showed him what I'd been practicing and he said it was cool, but I should stick to keeping a Logrus connection, because I sorta fell over when I tried to get my brain into four bits. He said I should come to the Chaosing and Julian said it was okay to go and we got to go right away too.
Picked up Krysalis and Didilus and made a few arrangements with Risel just to make sure that I didn't miss anything that I shouldn't. One of Mandor's guys came and said that a ship had just come out of the Abyss, so we went and had a look at that. Pretty weird looking thing. Mandor said that two people had been in it and Trumped out or something and they's taken the engine out. Wierd, huh?
Went on to the Chaosing and Ericol actually turned up. There was a pool full of water and little flames and this priest dude who was dedicating the kid to Chaos and Asteroth (seems like everyone's got to fight for the right to make up their own minds). Roody sorta opened up his stomach and the kid flew out and landed in the water, which made all the fire go out. Kid seemed happy enough, despite the water. Ericol said he wanted to talk to Roody alone and asked us all to leave. Apparently no-one else left because they thought Ericol was gonna take the kid and run - I thought he had enough trouble getting into Chaos without trying to get out of it. Anyway, the reason I didn't leave was to piss off Ericol and it seemed to do the trick just fine. He asked me if I was annoyed with him (well duh). Told him I was tired of him making me feel crappy and dissing my boss and then saying sorry like that meant he could do it again with impunity. I don't think I'm in any danger of being harassed by Ericol again anytime soon. Result!
After Ericol left I asked Mandor if we could go because Dara was there and I'd spent the whole time as me instead of in his pocket, just like he'd wanted. It meant going back to Arden and everything, but there's no getting out of that. I got several problems on that front; I can't think of a way out of it; Julian's been guilt-trippingly nice; and I got this ethics thing ... real handicap that. Strikes me as odd that I can only split my brain into two bits, 'cos I've always got at least half a dozen conflicts going on in there at once.
Well, we went back to the courtyard; Mandor, Krysalis, Didilus and me. There were a whole bunch of people there including Brand, who's like, this guy from those books I read all that time ago. I got a card of him, so I knew his face, but I couldn't really remember too much about him except that he'd been a bit of a pain, apparently and had fallen into the Abyss because Caine shot him. It's a time they call the Patterfall War and it was round about then that Obe died the first time. Bit complex really.
Everyone seemed pretty surprised to see Brand (understandibly) and he was waffling on about all sorts of huey. He reckoned he knew Mandor and Mandor denied it every step of the way. Brand said Random was a bastard and Benny. As it happens, he's from another multiverse or something, where that's all true (supposedly). Brother was trying to sort it all out, then Jules started messin' about with that spikard of his again. He turned me into something so insulting that he should count himself lucky I didn't tear his finger clean off. I was trying to get the poxy thing off so that I could chuck it in the sea so he couldn't zap me with it. It wouldn't come off though and he tried zapping my mind. Internal defences work a treat - radical! Mandor takes good care of me.
Well, then Julian and Ericol came crashing in so we had to go inside while brother sorted that out. He's done something to the castle so that every time I walk through a damn door I turn back into me, which sorta puts the knackers on the Vomit shape as a diplomatic vehicle in the castle, dunnit? Oh well, security's security, I suppose. They can just like it or lump me ...
While everyone was talking to Brand I sent Nod off to tell Asteroth and Benedict what was happening (so Benny can't call me a booger-brain again - he's such a hard man to please). Just after I'd done that I noticed that Bleys was with us and decided to keep out of his way. Then Brand#2 somewhere out in Shadow, snipped my Logrus connection to the Realm, which hurts like a bugger. 'Course I didn't know who'd done it at that point, or had the vaguest idea of what a mean mother he is. That's why when Brand#1 said that his engine was out there somewhere and Logrus powered, I was all for fetching it.
Mandor, Krysalis, Didilus and I went out looking, trying to find it before the rest of the family did so that we could get it back to the Courts, right? I mean, it's a Logrus thingie, right, so that'd be the best place for it. Anyway, it was kinda fun for a while, bit like a race and fairly harmless, I thought. I mean, its not like we were gonna off anybody or anything. So we're Logrus engine hunting when we came across Jasra, staked out on the ground looking pretty darn snortched. She eventually told Mandor that it was Brand#2 that did it, so Mandor sent her on through to the Courts to be fixed up.
Not too long after that we found the engine. I'd just got a tendril on it when KABLAM! Apparantly it was "Some Kinda Trap" and Brand#2 hit me and Mandor with one shitload of Pattern that just blew the Logrus clean out of us. I didn't know what the heck was going on - I thought it was some kinda dirty rotten trick (well, I was right, but not that right, you know?) and when I tried to crawl forward to get the engine anyway, I ran into Brand#2 who said he was gonna kill us. I mean, imagine just wanting to kill four monsters, uh, thingies, creatures, chaosites ... well whatever we are collectively, just like that for no real reason! Gee. Anyhow, luckily, Krysalis wasn't affected by the Pattern and she was a bit more on the case than Mandor and me by that point and she used the spikard to get us the hell out of there. Dunno about Mandor, but I didn't feel up to running any marathons or anything. Blerg.
When we got back to the Courts, we had to explain ourselves to Asteroth, which was just great, as I'm sure you can imagine. Then I got a Trump call from my brother and I asked Asteroth if it was okay to tell him what had happened and he said it was okay, (after throwing a wobbly about me abandoning Chaos, which is unfair, man, I had no intention of leaving) so me and Obe exchanged notes on the matter. then I asked Asteroth if I should send Nod over to act as a more secure message service and he threw another wobbly about me telling Amber everything and I don't understand, I don't understand at all. I asked, didn't I?! - and he said yes, but only after he'd reduced me to blithering uncertainty. That's why he makes me so edgy! I haven't got the vaguest idea of how to please him at all, so anything I say could make him angry! That's why! Hot damn, I figured it out ... now I gotta figure out what pleases him - though one suspects that making me uncomfortable pleases him in some way - bit like Bardok, really.
So, here we are, sitting around Chaos waiting for Brand#2 to make his move. One good thing (that I only feel vaguely guilty about at the moment), is that instead of being in a smelly forest, I'm actually Home! I mean Home-home, House Sawall type Home where my hole is, you know, in my room and where Mandor's pockets can normally be found and most of my stuff is and where everything's wierd and wonderful. Home of the origional black room; the place where I learnt just about everything that the Gromble didn't teach me and the place where I met and made my best friend. Man, it feels like I've been away forever. I got this mental image of them having to crow-bar me out the doors when it's time to go. Mind you, one mental picture of Captain Clockwork's sorry puss'll probably be enough to get me slinking back. Not many people deserve to be welched on and he sure ain't one of them ... bummer. Okay, so I feel more than vaguely guilty already (because I'm a sucker). Hell, I'm gonna enjoy it while it lasts, I'll go back as soon as we get the all clear.
Krysalis asked about the business with the Logrus engine. I think I kinda dissapointed her on that one, but then I guess I dissapointed a lot of people for various reasons in this matter. Krysalis said that we were behaving just like the Amberites, which is true enough, but the balance of power is already heavily tilted in their direction as it is and as far as I can tell the engine is for travelling in the Abyss. I can't see any reason at all to let my brother get his paws on it - he's already got the Serpent's Eye and that's nicked as well. Fair's fair.
Anyway, it's not like I mislead anyone at all and it's basically just a gadget - a Logrus gadget at that. Ha! Mandor and me must have looked like a right pair of pillocks when we turned up after tripping that trap (and so enthusiastically too). The tactical brothers strike again! Hahahahaha! Thank god we did bring Krysalis with us or there'd have been two more deaths in the family. Didilus was pretty upset by the whole deal and I'm sorry for that, but he's calmed down now and I've got loads of stuff in my room he can play with while we wait. Roody's here too with his boy (Serloki, or something like that) and they've been playing together a bit, which is nice. He should have little friends to play with.
We've been here quite a while already and still no word from Asteroth on what we should be doing at all. Still no move from Brand#2 either. Aside from his clear intention of mashing Mandor and me, I haven't really got a clue what he wants anyway. I asked Krysalis if she wanted to talk to Reisel at all while she was stuck in the House, but she said she didn't want to, which I don't understand either. You know, every time I get to thinking that I'm starting to understand people, a whole bunch of stuff happens that leaves me as in the dark as I ever was. Mind you, since I don't even understand myself some days, I guess it's not that surprising.
(or, what I dream on lousy nights)
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a stretched and strained Logrus tendril flung before -
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my warren's door.
' 'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, 'tapping at my warren's door -
Only this and nothing more.'
And the shiny, sorrowful, in-wall glinting of each silver pinball
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
so that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
' 'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my warren's door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my warren's door;-
This it is and nothing more.'
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
'Sir,' said I. 'or monster, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my warren's door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - I put my head out of the door;-
Darkness there and nothing more.
Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no monster ever dared to dream before;
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, 'Mandor?'
This I whispered, and an echo murmered back the word ' Mandor!'
Merely this and nothing more.
Back into the burrow turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before
'Surely,' said I, 'surely that is something at my other exit;
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore;-
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'
Open here I flung the earth, when, with many a strut in his girth
In there stepped a great-nephew of the castle Amber's lore
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But with mein of Lord or Lady, sat there at my warren's door -
Sat there in my sleeping hollow just before my warren's door -
Perched, and sat and nothing more.
Then this errant sapling beguiling my sad fancy into smiling
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance he wore,
'though thy cloak thou rustle and fling, thou,' I said, 'art sure no grim,
No portentious, magic Nephew wandering from the nightly shore -
tell me what thy princly name is on the night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the Nephew, 'Evermore.'
Much I marvelled this ungainly man to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living monster being
Ever yet blessed with seeing man in front his warren door -
Man or beast upon the sleeping hollow at his warren door,
With such a name as 'Evermore.'
But the Nephew, sitting lonely in the sleeping hollow, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing farther then he uttered - not an eyelash then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered 'what can walk in can walk ahead
On the morrrow he will do so, not stay where I lay my head.'
Then the Nephew said 'Evermore.'
Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
'Doubtless,' said I, 'what it utters is its only stock and store
caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
'Of "Ever - evermore." '
Then, methought the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Julian whose foot-falls tick-tocked on the earthen floor.
'Wretch,' I cried, 'thy ancestors lent thee - by these foul trees that hath sent thee
Respite - respite and freedom to my memories of Mandor;
How long, how long this unkind service, which time must run dry on for sure?'
Quoth the Nephew 'Evermore.'
'Prophet!,' I said, 'thing of evil! Prophet still, if man or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, in this prison land enchanted -
In this home by sorrow haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there hope of release? How long - how long, I implore!
Quoth the Nephew 'Evermore.'
'Prophet!' said I, 'thing of evil! - prophet still if man or devil! -
By that soil that bends above us - by that unicorn we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Arden
It shall rejoin the chosen master whom the Courts did name Mandor -
How long till my bed's a pocket in the jacket of Mandor?'
Quoth the Nephew 'Evermore.'
'Be that word our sign of parting, man or fiend!' I shrieked, upstarting -
'Get thee back into the forest and the nights Plutonian shore!
Leave no footprint as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the hollow at my door!
Take thy tongue from out my heart and take thy form from at my door!
Quoth the Nephew 'Evermore.'
And the Nephew, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
In the sleeping hollow just before my warren's door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a daemon's that is dreaming
And the moon-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be trapped - evermore!
(apologies to E.A Poe - I dunno if you've read The Raven, but I like it lots and thought it was worth filking ... this particular version is probably gracing a (long) tree root in the warren, carved by a monster who's starting to really go off trees.)
Oh man, that stuff about Brand - that turned out real heavy.
You remember we were waiting in The Courts? Well brother called and spun a yarn as an excuse for us to go through to Amber - he even invited Asteroth. Asteroth said we could go, but declined the invitation. Anyway, we went and brother wasn't telling us anything after we got through. He had a word with Mandor, making him worry about Fiona. I was under the impression after I'd talked to my boss that Amber wasn't the best place for Krysalis and Didilus after all, so I sent them back, which was probably an error ... not sure, but I had to go with Mandor, what he was going to do could have been dodgy as hell. I was (correctly, I believe) under the impression that brother was malipulating us wildly.
We went out together and he spent a lot of time talking to his agents to find where Fiona was. By the time we got there Bardok had joined us, we were disguised as Oberon at the time, but that turned out to be uneccessary. Found Fiona unconscious in her house and she looked pretty sick. All her defences had gone down too. We took her back to Amber and found Benny flaked out semi-conscious on a table. I was getting sorta concerned at that point, so I picked up Benny, who seemed really unlike himself (sorta pessimistic) and at his and Cain's suggestion went to look at the Pattern.
The Pattern looked pretty crappy, sorta dark, so I knew my mom and dad were going to be in trouble too. We went to find my brother and he was sort of floating away in bits, which is distressing, you know? He talked about Nod and Hendrake and nullifying them. I was trying hard not to lose it, so that I wouldn't let everything else go to hell because I was upset about my immidiate family ... huh, might have been better off if I had freaked. We went back down to the hall, because before floating away entirely, brother had said that he'd told Lila something important. He definitely had ... she told me right off about a special room that blocked Logrus and Trump. She had a map in her hand and I asked if I could see it and she let me. Soon as I took in what it was I knew that it was a mistake. Damn my curiosity anyway - mind you, to be fair to me (and someone has to be), I really was worried and wanted to help. I'll try real hard not to make the same mistakes again, that's for sure. Caine wanted to hurt me and Mandor, maybe kill us, but for the sake of our friendship and my nerves, I'll assume he was trying to subdue us.
Mandor took us both out of there, leaving Krysalis and Didilus behind, who'd been returned in our earlier absence. We'd talked it over a bit, about Nod and Hendrake and how as soon as they came round they'd tell Asteroth. We came to the conclusion that to do anything other than what we ended up doing would be high treason. I maybe could have run that risk if it meant my folks lives versus me ever stepping foot in The Courts again. Wouldn't have been happy about it, but it's better than offing my entire family, or even taking a chance of them getting offed, isn't it? Couldn't do it though - Mandor, you know? Often wondered if I was that far gone and it seems that I am. I'm not sure whether I'm ashamed of myself or not ... it was so hard to do and I hated myself at the time, I remember distinctly. But I did right by Mandor, didn't leave him on his own to take whatever was coming - if I'd chosen diffrent I might never have seen him again. I did my duty, and boy, did I need to hang onto that crumb of consolation later ...
We called Asteroth and told him that all the elders were sickening and Oberon had dissappeared. Pleaded, begged him not to kill them, they weren't in any state to fight, they could have been imprisoned easily. To be honest, I still don't know whether he would have killed them all or not, he doesn't often say what he means. Thank the Ancestors, the gods, the fates - thank anything that we never got to find out.
Military dudes started to come through and they were talking awfully mean. Mandor was fretting about Fiona and I guess we was both trying to think of an out instead of telling Asteroth about the secret room. It's a horrible, horrible position to be in. I couldn't understand why Lila had done it, but I guess it was just a screw up. I guess she didn't believe me when I told her I was a Chaosite and worked for Mandor pretty utterly (okay, so totally utterly, why kid myself with understatements?). Why does something horrible have to happen before they believe you? One of the reasons I threw all those wobblies was to convince them that I meant it. *sigh*
Anyway, the Houses brought their forces in. Some of them started killing the townsfolk for no reason at all and they wouldn't stop and Asteroth wouldn't stop them. He said it kept them happy ... I think I understand the reasons for him letting them, but I didn't like it, or them, or him at the time; not at all. I asked him again to spare my family and he said it would depend on what sort of mood he was in. I figured if I went into one on him, I'd damn them all about as completely as I thought I'd damned myself in my family's eyes. They captured Morganth and Amanfist. Mandor said we should stay close to them, to stop the more bloodthirsty, I suppose. Finally had to tell Asteroth about the room - would have been suspicious as hell to put it off any longer.
Don't know what happened much after that. Held onto Mandor and went on automatic. Stayed far, far back in a corner of my mind where I didn't have to watch. Bad enough living with it if they'd all died. Didn't want to see what I'd done and have the pictures running round my skull for the rest of my life. I knew what I'd done, I knew it, I knew it, I didn't have to watch, did I? Gosh, I felt crappy, you know? Drinking bleach kinda crappy. The only good thing was that I was still with Mandor, rest of my life was looking pretty fucked-up. Even Krysalis and Didilus were in there, you know? I knew it would be hard, but knowing and living it are diffrent. It was so hard.
ANYway, next thing I know, Mandor's nudging me back to reality and everything's changed. Brother had worked one of his weird little (okay, big) miracles - with a lot of help from Bardok, surprise, surprise and Asteroth had gone, leaving Mandor and me to suffer the consequences while we delivered one of his endless supply of unbelievable excuses. Corwin was there and a whole buncha dudes with guns that presumably worked. For a second there I thought we were going to be shot without further ado. Brother came in and it wasn't long before he turned his attention on us. He told us mindwise that he was going to have us both flogged and imprisoned for a month so that Asteroth wouldn't kill us. Took me a while to get my head round that one, I can tell you.
Got flogged by Gerard in front of a bunch of the townies who were all for killing us, and I guess I can see why they'd want that, yes. Getting flogged hurts bundles, but I can't decide if it hurts more or less than Bleys when he's mad with me - hurts for longer. Either way, there comes a point when your brain just gives up on the deal and you pass out. Hey, at least I gave the glazier a good day, how's that for mindless optimising?
Woke up a bit later in the cells. They put me and Mandor in together, which is good, 'cos I'd have gone nuts on my own, 'specially under the circumstances. You know what I'm like for captivety. Gerard was fixing us up (I think - either that or just making us suffer a bit more), which is kinda weird considering he was the one that took half the skin off our backs in the first place. He said they couldn't let us shapeshift, so he put this stuff that stings like a bitch all over us and wrapped us up like a pair of those dead geezers humans keep in glass cases.
Ericol arrived, golly, I was thrilled. He looked at Mandor like he wanted to tap-dance on him with golfing shoes, grrrrr. He kept asking me stuff; "do you know why you were flogged?", 'Yes', I says - wondering if he knew why. "They told me you sold us out, I don't believe you'd do such a thing ..." - not an actual question, but as good as. 'Did my duty', says I "everyone did what they had to do" - and that's all I'll say on it, because it's the only right thing about what I did - and I'm not talking about Asteroth particularly, I'm still peeved with him, went through hell standing by my choice and my master and all me and Mandor got was shat on from a great height. Asteroth's my master's master, so I'll serve him while that's so. I can still be ticked off with him if I want to. Keep it quite though, uh-huh. Ericol kept saying he won't believe I sold them out ... well, I'm not so sure about that, but if he wants to believe otherwise, well fine. He started to make noises like he wanted to practice medicine on me and Mandor, but thankfully Gerard listened to my protests and made him just watch. Then Ericol says he wants to 'watch' us in case we need anything ... yeah, right. Sorry, but I wouldn't trust him with an upright Mandor, let alone a semi-conscious, whupped one. 'Snot like I was in the best of nick to protect him, was it? Anyway, Gerard made him leave when he left. *whew*
Dad came along and gave us a violin at Mandor's request. I was glad dad was okay and he said mom was okay now too. He didn't seem to understand that we were incarcerated and since Mandor said that escaping was a bad idea, I didn't bother to point it out to him. Didn't notice the bandages either ... hugged me, yow. It's weird you know, it's like he just focuses on one thing and ignores the rest. Anyway, the violin turned out to be brill. Mandor can play it the good way and the people way and he taught me how to do both, which passed the time pretty well. Mind you, the fact that I thought I was going to be roundly thrashed by all and sundry when I got let out did wonders for my prison tolerance too.
Brother dropped by to see how things were hanging. I was only a little, tiny bit peeved with him by then and to be honest I was so relieved that no-one in the family had died that it didn't really seem to matter anymore. Mandor had explained a lot of it to me (we had the time, let's face it) and hindsight has a habit of putting things in a clearer light. Brother said we'd given the others just enough time to skedaddle before Asteroth and co arrived - which is something to feel good about, just so long as Asteroth doesn't find out. Just as well for Asteroth too, mind you. Brother would have given him a whole new slant on shapechanging if he'd killed his kids. Brother asked if there was anything we wanted too, which was nice, man - it's not many prisons that have room service, I'll bet.
'Course Bardok came down, didn't gloat as much as expected though. I asked him to see how pissed off Julian was and to put in a good word for me ... no idea if he did or not, but it was worth a shot, eh? I did as much for him. Fiona visited Mandor and Krysalis visited me with Didilus. Me and Mandor taunted each other in a suitably childish fashion throughout. Hey, you have to make your own fun sometimes. The month passed and though I paced a bit sometimes, I didn't gnaw the bars or chew the walls once. In some ways it was more bearable than this forest gig, at least I was with Mandor.
When we got let out (along with the returned Rinaldo), Mandor went home - he wouldn't be safe at all here right now. As it is, if I set foot in the town in any recognisable form I'm likely to be lynched. I trapsed off to Arden expecting at best a chilly reception, so what I got was a little bit, erm, unusual. First I heard the horse, you know, thunder, thunder, thunder. I stood there and quaked a bit until Morgue arrived, alone. Then I hear this Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock ... I felt just like Captain Hook, only I didn't have a Smee to save me. Julian appeared, ticking. He made it perfectly obvious that he'd found out about my nick-name for him (timing - mine sucks, don't it?). He didn't beat me up, he took me to learn how to give the hell-hounds basic commands. No, really, proper stuff, not tree-ing me or mouthing me or anything. Took me a while to overcome the instinct to run and hide, but I'm getting better. You know, given the circumstances and coming from Julian, on the whole, I think I got a welcome back ... maybe that's unduly optomistic, but I'd like to believe it.
Had a couple of, um, unicornings at Amber. Nadia and then Lila had their kids. Mom didn't want to go to them, but I asked. Actually, that reminds me, Julian expressed a hedgy, cautious interest in shapeshifting. In the true spirit of dickering, he told me that he wasn't that interested, being an advocate of stability and everything. Got him to slice twenty years off the servitude in exchange for the basics. I don't think either of us got diddled - in fact, now I actually think about it, he could have learnt off of Caine, so I'm not sure why he dickered with me at all. I haven't told Krysalis about it in case I goof and end up back where I started ... gives me a bit of leeway to be the pillock I am on occasions. Be a nice surprise in eighty years time anyway - almost as long as I've been alive, but not more. I'm real pleased with that.
Ericol arrived at the unicornings. He surprised the snot out of me by giving me a written apology. Didn't say what for exactly, but it was still a surprise. Mandor said he'd talk to me sooner than I expected, but I honestly didn't think he'd be right this time (more fool me). Ericol wouldn't tell me why he was apologising - said it wouldn't matter. I tried talking to Jaz after Ericol left, but she couldn't really shed any light on it. She says he's real fond of me and I find that hard to believe ... I'd never be so mean to someone I was that fond of. She says it's just his way, but like, how many times to I have to listen to him diss my boss? How many times can someone apologise for exactly the same thing that they do over and over before you can safely snortch them? I tell you, right now I wouldn't dare, so what am I supposed to do? Avoid, avoid, avoid? I'm confused, which is bad because it means Ericol's got me where he possibly wants me if he's being devious ... on the other hand I don't think he's the devious type. Caution is called for. Still, I don't really want to show my face in Amber too much for a while, so I'll just stick to the forest where he can't find me unless I want to be found.
After Nadia's unicorning, Julian, Krysalis and me had a race back to Arden. 'Course, me and Krysalis took to the air and we would have beat him too if he hadn't Trumped ... hahahahahaha! Boy, were we suckered. After Lila's unicorning, I asked Benny if he wanted to muck about in the forest a bit, because Julian had already checked for me and said he wasn't annoyed at all. Isn't it weird? All the people I expected to be raving mad at me aren't at all and while I don't understand why, I certainly appreciate it.
Benny's got a stripy red horse and when I'm a horse I'm faster than it, but Benny knows more short-cuts, so it worked out to be a pretty fun race through Arden. His horse is more talkative than Morgue (and friendlier). I don't doubt that Benny was listening into my plottings, but like I said to the horse, it's no fun if you don't cheat (Mandor taught me that and it's normally true). The horse said, 'I ching' - which is chinese for philosophy or something ... I don't see what that has to do with races or cheating, but then, Benny's a bit strange.
He wanted to do weapon practice and I wanted to play in the mud. Eventually he let me talk him into teaching me how to use mud as a weapon. He said he wouldn't hurt me, so he just blinded me, deafened me and gave me a mouth full of mud. I tried tunneling and listening to what was going on above, but it all went awfully quiet. I split into two (kept a Logrus connection) and kept one of me under the mud and took the other me up to see where he was. He's a smart bugger, I used Logrus to search all around, but couldn't find him. The horse was still there, but I decided against looking in the saddle bags. In the end I tried looking in the horse's mind to see what it had seen after I'd dived, but it turned into a sword (a real sharp sword). I'd been labouring under the delusion that Benny's main objection to playing in the mud was getting dirty, so I took the sword and strolled back onto the mud patch, which is where he was - waiting for me to get close enough to myself to get both of me. Great scaring technique ... after I'd re-swallowed my heart I was real impressed.
After that I did my best to explain the delights and theraputic value of just messing around in mud - and he did his best to explain to me why he didn't get any pleasure from that sort of thing. I don't know if he understood what I was trying to say, but I know for sure that I didn't really understand his explaination. I didn't want him to do something he didn't want to do, but I did want to understand. Maybe if I get the chance to talk to him more I'll get there in the end. I suspect the definciency lies in my listening rather than his telling. He pointed that out once and he was horribly right. Ah, hindsight.
After playing around with Didilus a bit, we headed back to Julian and I tried the 'oh my god, I pulled my ear off' trick. Made me laugh anyway. Gave the boss a call, 'cos it had been a while. As it happens it was nearly six months, he must have been busy, huh? When I found out how long it had been I said I was sorry I hadn't called for so long, then added that I hadn't noticed him calling either (I was grinning). He said something sarky about me trying to guilt trip him, touch-y. He says Asteroth said he wasn't pleased then gave him a medal. Actually we both got medals - you know those errant thoughts you get that cross your mind, but you'd never ever do them? Well mine was to shove the medal up Asteroth's nose for the way he treated us. Still, he's living up to The Gromble image quite well ... I dunno. He abandoned us, apparently to find out if we'd double crossed him. I don't really understand at all, let's face it. It's not the way I expected to be treated, but then, my family are being just as unusual in reverse.
Mandor came with me and Krysalis and Didilus on a tour of House Malbranchy. It was bizzare. They experiment above and beyond the call of sanity. Seem to be magic dudes for the most part (elemental stuff - truely bizzare), and advocates of piece, sorry, peace and mental dudes. They want to fix it so that they can cram more information into their heads, but said that sometimes the heads explode - nutters. There is another House that's full of diplomats, so I want to visit there next time I go back to Chaos.
Mandor allowed himself to be persuaded to blobsit Didilus for an evening, so I did finally get to take Krysalis out for a night on the town. Saw a weird play with exploding fish that neither of us actually understood at all. Had dinner and talked a lot. I found out lots of stuff she likes (happy thoughts?). She likes streams, treeeeeeees (oh well), natural things in general; little red monsters with big ears (grin!), creatures, music, plays presumably, flying (who wouldn't?), riding ... actually I'd love to go riding with her again, but I don't think I'll ever ... actually there's a lot of things ... way too complex to explain in words, yup. Anyway, sometime near dawn, Mandor got tired of blobsitting and passed Didilus through Trump.
On our way home a coupla low-lifes passed by with coshes and contemplated mugging us. Apparently they recognised me as someone from House Sawall, but since they frequent Sam's bar, that's probably where they heard of me. Ha! See, born in the sewers, naturally gravitate back to that level during drinking hours ... ANYway, they were telling me how they only mug people they know they can have IE: people they know. By the time they realised I didn't approve of what I was hearing, they'd left it way too late to run. Since I don't know as much about The Court's as I'd like, I decided to employ them. Fits in kinda nice with the rackets I've got running at Sam's, don't it? I checked with Mandor and he said he wouldn't have the patience for the idiots, but like, as I pointed out at the time, he's Head of House Sawall and can have his pick of flunkies. I, on the other hand, am a flunkie. Besides, I'd like to start small for a change, maybe I'll have more success that way?
The guys are called Scudic and Poros. They were making about fifty Asteroth's a day doing over their fellows, so I doubled their daily rate and got them to sign a six month trial contract. They haven't got Logrus, they're phsyical and mental skills range from mediocre to slightly above average, no magic, no literacy, no artifacts, no shapeshifting. Perfect. Nod's teaching them to read now, which means that in a coupla months Amber time I'll go back, pay them the other half of the fee and with any luck at the very least I can use them as researchers. I'm kinda hoping to achieve something here, but I'm not entirely sure what yet. I'll see what sort of results I get. If it works out well, I'll draw up a more comprehensive long-term contract. These guys are coming from no-where and I'm pretty sure just working for me will do wonders for their status even if they don't have a House. If nothing else it will do wonders for their finances. I know I can help them, let's see if investment really does pay off.
PS:
Ericol came to Chaos. Weird guy. We drew up a contract together on agreed conversation. Hey, at least this way I can smack him one if he disses my boss and hopefully Gerard can't murder me for it. He's so strange. Anyway, he's way more likely to break the contract than I am, so I might even get some servitude out of him, which'll please the boss if nothing else.
Talked to Jharry. He says he's been dead lots and has had a bit of his soul sucked out by a Logrus sword (yipe!). I don't think I believe him at all actually, because you can't be dead more than once unless your ancestors don't want you at all and that seems unlikely, man. I don't think he's walked the Pattern ... maybe he has, but even so, how'd he get raised? I think he was trying to confuse me ... well he succeeded, but I'm easy to confuse right now. Actually, on several occasions I got the impression he was trying to tick me off, but I'm not that easy to annoy, as long as people stay off certain subjects. He's got some odd ideas as to what I am, I can tell you.
Chatted to Mandor a bit. I still didn't understand this attitude thing with my folks (or Asteroth). He says maybe my folks are just being nice to me because brother told them to be. I guess I was stupid to think maybe they were just being nice. Smeg - smeg, smeg, smeg.
I asked him how he felt about the way things had gone and as far as I can tell he feels pretty much the same as I do. It's sorta hard to put into words. Take a glass jar and fill it full of diffrent coloured runny stuff, shake it up and drop it off a tall building onto concrete - that's how I feel about it. There aren't really words for it, you know? It was a bitch.
You know, I've spent quite a bit of my time, even in the cells, laughing and joking and I can't think why. Relief? Every time I sit down and actually think about everything that's happened recently I just feel ... guilty ... and angry, but I'm not sure who at. I mean, Krysalis and Didilus could be dead right now, if things had gone diffrent, and Benny and Julian and Caine and all of them. I wish brother hadn't called us through. I wish Lila hadn't shown us the stupid map. I wish a lot of things that will never be the way I want them to be, because they've already happened. I can't wish I hadn't done what I did - I'd do it again if I was put in the same position. I didn't want to know this about myself, not at all, you know? I didn't think there was anything he'd need me to do that I wouldn't do for him, but I didn't know. Now I do. Whoopie (excuse the sarcasm). Not that he asked me to do it at all, he doesn't ask me to do things he knows I won't like ... but I knew he needed me to and I need him and that's that. Live with it.
Gods teeth, I need a holiday, but I can't think of anywhere to go where I wouldn't be with me and Julian's gonna have me forever if I keep taking time off. Now I know why I've been keeping myself so busy, it sorta keeps my mind occupied.
Anyway, back to business ... Scidic an Poros seem to be actively trying to learn, which is a good thing. I've just about finished the long-term contract I was gonna hit them with after the six months. I want Mandor to check it for gaping loopholes first though. He thinks they're morons, but he doesn't seem to object to me hiring morons, so that's okay.
PPS:
Ericol's had a tour of Chaos, via Jaz. Now where is she in the big picture? Anyway, Ericol asked me to have a word with Asteroth about him being a diplomat and I laughed, I couldn't help it. I told him that if, after he's talked to my brother, I was required to do so officially, then yes of course I would. Otherwise, no way. I'm in no hurry to re-aquaint myself with Asteroth - I want breathing space first. Didn't tell him that, mind you, I'm not stupid.
I discussed a few things with him, Jharry for one. I voiced my opinion that Jharry has more than one master and told him he'd do well to find out who the other(s) were, if any (because I want to know). I told him most of what Jharry had said to me and made him promise to tell me anything he finds out about his mysterious servant. I wonder if he will? Ericol reckons that there's something patterny about Jharry because he fell over with all the elders ... that would kinda explain his dislike of Chaos.
The longest part of the conversation revolved around religion, a subject I've recently become curious on. I have seen Lila's apparent devotion to my mom, in unicorn form at any rate. I wonder if I'm any wiser, for when she's The Pool, she's my Ancestors, sort of. Though I wonder if she just takes control of The Pool when she wants to talk to me, or whether she really is my Ancestors - which is confusing, no? I guess, looking at it from a detatched point of view, we are all hatched by grace of our Ancestors coming before us, so maybe it's not so wierd that The Pool is my momma?
Well, Ericol reckons, well believes, that there's one god, right? I asked him what he meant by the term god, because Jharry had said that some of the Lords of Chaos had called themselves gods in Shadow (if that's true, I'd lay toenails Amberites had too - though he didn't comment on them, surprise, surprise), though he is a real dubious source of info, I recognise that. Ericol said a god was an it, that was everywhere and had control over everything. I laughed on the last count, because I couldn't help but think of Obe's veiws. I can't think of anything that's everywhere though, not even matter, 'cos Ericol reckons there's something called anti-matter.
Maybe Ericol's wrong, because the god he believes in he's never seen and has never had any orders from. He says he doesn't know what his god wants him to do, or how it wants him to behave. He says just believing makes him feel good inside and I haven't seen much evidence of Ericol feeling particularly good at any time; so maybe he's deluded? Or lying? Or mad? He did say that it would be impolite and possibly dangerous to mock anyone's beliefs, so I didn't express my doubts to him. Mind you, when I mentioned my Ancestors one of the first things he did was mock, so there you go ... that's Ericol. I don't really care what he says, I've seen my Ancestors and they've told me how to behave and what they want, so it doesn't matter if he doesn't believe in them. Mind you, he's met some of his Ancestors too, so how can he not believe in someone he's met and yet believe in something he hasn't? He's so weird.
I said I wanted to cross-referance the conversation with some other people - I like to keep busy and it's an interesting problem to work on. He didn't seem pleased and I had to tell him that I wouldn't use his name. He correctly remembered that Mandor would know anyway. He says he wouldn't talk to Jaz about this subject and he only talks to me about it because he's known me longer. But he "dislikes" (his words) Mandor and I don't understand why he'd tell me - and by that count, Mandor - something he didn't want others to know. Unless he's being mega-sneaky and I'm missing it somehow. I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that I don't know anything. I don't understand people at all and it's not like I haven't been trying. More than anyone's been trying to understand me, anyway - 'cept Mandor, he understands. I don't really think of him as a person at all, he doesn't act like one.
Am I ever going to understand people, or am I doomed to live in system where I constantly get into trouble because I misread them? Or am I just in a particularly pessimistic mood? You know, after talking to Jharry, I realised I didn't know how old I was anymore ... have I been out of the Academy long enough to be eighty eight? I don't know.
I think maybe I'm just in a bad frame of mind. Life hasn't been so nice lately and maybe my emotional elastic band's just snapped me back a bit? Since I left the Academy, so much has happened to me that I had no way of anticipating before I left there. I'm such a common creature and events have been so uncommon. I wish I'd been better prepared - I've wished that more than once and it hasn't got me anywhere, so why do I bother? I wonder what Krysalis thinks of what I did? I can't ask her here. I wouldn't ask at all, not wanting a negative response, but I'll go nuts if I don't. Mind you, there's a lot of things I'd like to ask her and I just wouldn't dare. She'd slap my head clean off. I should slap myself for some of the things that flit through my tiny re-structured mind ...
Maybe I should hit the white room for a while and see if it works for me? Anything's better than sitting here being blah - see if I can find the jigsaw before I knock it over.
(Here's a thought ... does the poor sod in Krysalis' Realm that's in charge of watering the plants have an anxiety attack every time Ickus has a bad day or three? - *grin*)
You know ... well ... oh, make your own mind up.
The two days were up, so I went back to the forest and started teaching Julian to strut his shape-shifting stuff. He's a pretty fast learner and I used some of my new skills to hurry along the recovery of his arm and leg. Captain Clockwork is back to normal (but the memory tick-tocks on). I hadn't been back all that long, when I got a call from Asteroth, of all people. He wanted me to come through and he's a hard guy to say no to, so I told Julian I had to go and went.
Asteroth had a whole bunch of people from House Sawall with him and made me sit down. I asked Mandor what the hey was going on and he didn't know. Asteroth started asking if we'd been anywhere near House Corin (the Amber haters) and it turns out that someone had attacked it and destroyed it, killing a bunch of House members. Anyway, Mandor and me didn't know anything about it and apparently neither did Dara, Jaz, Jurt or Roody. Asteroth said that some other suspects were already dead, which is ominous, y'know? He said he was gonna chuck us into the Abyss and magicked us.
When I came to, we were all dangling pretty helpless over the Abyss, like, headfirst without even Logrus. Asteroth was walking up and down on a platform beside us, with a sword, threatening to cut the ropes that were holding us up. Didn't seem to bother him too much that we were innocent. He wanted us to find out who'd set us up - on pain of death, which is kinda harsh. Like we wouldn't have tried to find out anyway, man! I don't like taking the rap for other people's crimes. Anyway, His Grombleness had us hoisted up and sent us off to look.
Scudic and Poros got their first job, making enquires around the scuzzier parts of The Courts. The rest of us took a look at the ruins of the House, which had all sorts of energy around it, Logrus, Pattern, Trump and Spikard. With Fiona helping us, we followed the paths out and found out that there'd been eight of them and that at least one of the trails led back to Amber. A bit later we found out that Lila had been involved and Mandor and me ended up dragging her and Ragglespear through a Trump (we had to go through Raggle, she wasn't taking calls). Despite the fact that she was the one that suggested using silver balls in the attack, thus dropping us in it again, she denied having any antipathy towards Mandor or me. She was real sarky actually, I didn't appreciate it at all. Mind you, I got the impression that Lila didn't truely understand the position - I thought she was smarter than that. Got her to write and sign a confession (in blood) and at first she used blood that would dissapear after a while! Well, despite being quite unhappy to admit it, I think after that demonstration, I'll have to count Lila amongst my enemies. I don't know why she objects to me and/or Mandor so and she still denies it, but trying to dump us in the poo for a third time is just too much. It'd be stupid to ignore it and I'd be neglecting my duty if I did.
I went back to Chaos after that, being reluctant to return to Amber without knowing who to watch out for - if Julian had been among them, it might have been suicide to go back. Mandor suggested getting my dad to find out and I was of the opinion that it wouldn't be an unreasonable thing to do under the circumstances. Dad agreed to help and called me back not long after and told us that Lila, Jules, Bleys, Caine, J'hoss (under duress), Amanfist, Morganth and Rinnaldo had taken part.
I've had a bit of time to think about it. I guess I knew that my folks didn't like me too much anymore and who can blame them? It still makes me sad though, the whole thing saddens me and I can't think of any way to fix it. What's done is done - at least no-one was seriously hurt. Lila, for some reason unfathomed, has some kind of grudge, she must have. Caine, well, Caine just doesn't know when to stop and doesn't seem to have any trouble betraying his friends or his masters. I'm quite angry with him, just for being himself, I suppose, which isn't exactly fair ... I'm not sure if I'll ever really like him again. Not the way I did anyway, he just doesn't stop hurting people and he doesn't seem to care at all. Look at what he did to poor Random. The only good thing I can say about him right now, is that at least he recognised how angry he'd made me, which is more than Lila did. At least he's paying attention to how he makes people feel, even if he isn't repentant. He's not so much an enemy as a public menace. You know, thinking about it, I don't have many friends at all these days ... *sigh*. Nice going.
Went back to Arden and told Julian what was had been going on. He doesn't seem to be terribly well-informed during these little traumas, I dunno why. I asked him if he'd let Mandor come visit and he said no. I know why and I understand and everything, but it's still a bummer - I was lonely and homesick here before, but now that I'm a terribly publicly confirmed Chaosite it's even worse. At least half my folks hate me, Mandor can't visit and it just isn't fair to keep Krysalis away from her home. It wasn't fair on her to get myself in this position in the first place. The only way I can think of to make up for it is to take the servitude like a monster - when Krysalis is around at any rate, the rest of the time I can take it like me.
So, I wasn't in a terribly happy frame of mind when Ericol came to the forest looking for me. Julian sent one of his birds to the warren to tap on my door - the man's a riot. I wonder what he wanted in the warren? Anyway, I went to see Ericol to find out what he wanted and it turns out he wanted to know what had been happening. Jaz (now an Amberite along with Jurt) had told him about Asteroth dangling her over the Abyss - not terribly smart, but we all slip up, I guess. I told him that a bunch of Amberites had trashed a Chaos House and blamed it on House Sawall. He didn't believe me and said that they were Chaosites that looked like Amberites and I got pretty pissed off and really drove the point home that it was Amberites doing the dirty this time. With hindsight I wish I hadn't (see, we all slip). I think I damaged his veiw of the universe quite radically and I know what that does to my head.
Ericol wanted to know the names of who'd done it, so I checked with Mandor and he said to go ahead and tell him - that it might make us look better with Asteroth. Well, I'm all for pleasing Asteroth so I told him (and Julian, who wanted to know too). He started muttering about doing something daft and I told him not to and he said something about me not giving a toss about him. I left then, I've had enough of being critisised for now, I can critisise myself plenty well without everyone else joining in.
After a day or two, brother came to see me. He wanted me to get Ericol and Gerard out of prison in Chaos. Well, relations between Chaos and Amber had been on a steady slide for a while, so I asked him what he was gonna do about it. He agreed to exchange ambassadors, someone from House Lemmel for Flora. He said he'd be prepared to start up trade negotiations again too. I figured it was a start and went to talk to Asteroth (joy!).
Asteroth was in a much better mood and agreed to the ambassador exchange and everything. He said he might be prepared to let Gerard go, but not Ericol, unless Ericol stopped being rude to him. Asteroth guessed correctly that I wanted to talk to Ericol and sent me down to the cell (sorry, diplomat's residence). Ericol was being weirder than usual, I mean, everyone knows that you shouldn't bad-mouth Grombles or Kings, right? Not when you're in their cells especially. He was in a really strange mood and didn't seem to want to help himself or his dad at all. Mandor came along to make sure I didn't get into trouble as well, which was nice of him. He very nearly managed to stay quiet the whole time too, which was impressive. Since he hardly said anything, I figured it wasn't him that made Ericol act that way. One of the most frustrating conversations I've ever had, I really needed that Logrus massage ... successfully faught off the urge to slap some sense into Ericol and decided to leave him there for a bit to see if he'd change his mind. Mandor suggested we tell him that Asteroth already knew the names, but I figured that Asteroth would be ticked off if we did.
When I went back a while later (about a month for Ericol, I think), he'd really gone downhill. Never seen him look so miserable, not since ... not since The Thing ... with Morganth and everything, you know? He said Asteroth had chucked Jurt into the Abyss and at the time I believed it, you know? He still wouldn't give Asteroth the names, even though he said Jaz would be next. I sorta understood that - I mean, I shopped everyone for decidedly more selfish reasons. It took ages to get it across to him that Asteroth already knew the names and I lost all hope of being subtle and maybe being able to deny that I'd told him. Eventually he agreed to tell Asteroth and he did - badmouthing him in the process, boy, I just wanted to be somewhere else before the wrath of Asteroth was invoked - his wrath has a habit of spreading. Fortunately, Asteroth was still in a pretty good mood and sent Gerard and Ericol back to Amber. They both went off into Shadow ... I'm kinda worried about Ericol, I said a lot of mean, guilt-tripping stuff trying to get him out of the cells and while I know I was doing my level best to be helpful, I don't suppose Ericol appreciates it right now. I asked brother to have a word with him, but I didn't think he'd do any better than I did, and he didn't. Shame ... I hope Ericol doesn't get himself into even more trouble while he's out there, I wouldn't want to see the nutter dead or anything.
On a lighter note, Brother came up with a game that was sorta like hide-the-toenail, only with golden hearts. Some of them had wishes in them (the ones that had letters from the Unicorn in them - brother said I should have guessed ... irritating). Me and Krysalis found three with a lot of help from the Tree. Gave one to Mandor, but it wasn't the one with the wish in it. Krysalis was really weird about the wish; first she said she was going to make a wish about me loving her, but that she already had that. Why mention it, then? I wish she hadn't mentioned it in front of my folks, especially brother, you know what he's like. Eventually she settled for wishing that Oberon should never interfere with The Realm or its contents. Kinda useful, but I'm not sure if I believe he's capable of holding to it. Depends, you know?
'Sbin a busy old time. Actually, it's kinda hard to know where to start ... I should write this stuff up more often, it'd be less confusing.
After the, uh, minor difficulties Mandor and me inadvertantly sparked off, things sorta got quieter - probably due to our desire not to piss Oberon off again anytime soon. Ericol managed to set Jurt off on a rampage of revenge against the Amberites that dropped House Sawall into it - this was while he was supposed to be training 'my' men. Mandor and me were starting to lose hope that he'd ever get around to training them, even though it was a straightish fair deal, artifacts for training.
He gave me a call, saying he was gonna kill himself, but when I offered to pull him through he came. It was a real pity I was in electric form and it was the first time I'd tried it so I, like, completely forgot how shocking it would be. ANYway, he was okay - though I had to use Logrus to stop him from disemboweling himself all over the carpet. That boy has serious problems.
He stopped answering questions pretty quickly, even though I threatened to gatecrash his mind if he didn't start explaining. You know how stubborn he is. In the end Mandor had to boost me so I could get the truth out of him. Seems Ericol's dramatically dissatisfied with his lot, seeing filthy grunge on every side and only flowers on his own patch, if you like. He got very angry with me because of Krysalis and Didilus. I know I'm a lucky sod on that side of things, but I guess it doesn't hurt to have it pointed out every now and then. I still say he's a bit of a weird dude, though, he doesn't appreciate what he's got that's good. His dad's sane, his daughter's nice (I think), Roody doesn't hate him so he gets to see Serloki if he wants (when he isn't making excuses to the contrary). All in all, he's had it pretty stable. Most of the really bad things in his life are his own doing, so I don't understand it at all really. Maybe he doesn't understand it either. That must be difficult.
Anyway, we decided to strike a deal with Brother - mainly that we (which I expected to work out as I, but hasn't which is a nice surprise) keep an eye on Ericol and try to get him in a better frame of mind if Oberon put some mental restrictions on him so that he couldn't kill himself, us, or any of our friends or wander off (his favorite, most troublesome pastime). We agreed not to use Ericol to our own ends and brother did the business, saying he was gonna find a girl for Ericol and he'd let me know when he had.
So, Ericol is now actually training the men like we agreed and it's going fairly well and all. Ericol says Zachary has an attitude problem, insofar as he appears to think he's better than the rest of the men. I explained that I had left Zachery in charge of them, talked my way out of the obligitory ego-response - "Oh, so I'm not in charge then?" - which he is, as far as the training goes. I'm glad Ericol talked to me about it before 'teaching Zachary a lesson' ... I told Ericol to call me if it gets out of hand, but I think basically Ericol just objects to any authority that isn't himself. Typical Amberite. Still, the training's going pretty good and Ericol's taken a shine to Poros, even though he knows he's a Chaosite. I'm pretty pleased with Scudic and Poros, they haven't made me look like a dork at all, if fact, they're doing real good, I'm proud of them. S'nice to see nobody's get along well in life. What a vast, underappriciated pool of folks the slums are ... hope I can do all my recruiting from there, they need a break.
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! That reminds me! I almost forgot to tell you the best thing of all! I worked out a new deal with Julian, I'm out of the servitude! YES! I sorta mildly miss the lanky git, but I'm so happy to be out of that! I must ask Mandor if he's got the Trumps before I go see Julian, it'll be better to have a nice reason to be there as well as explaining certain things. I'd rather he wasn't pissed with me first time I visit in ages ... course it won't be ages to him, but that's not the point.
This, of course leads me on to one of the diary downers, courtesy of Bardok for the most part. It seems that, uh, probably due to earlier events, Amber was gatecrashed by The Ickus. This gold-plated goon did some terribly unfortunate things to quite a lot of my relatives and looking so much like me, there was bound to be problems, right?
The first I knew of it was when Bardock and Rinnaldo requested a visit to the Realm. I asked Krysalis, she said okay and while I'm pulling them through Bardok says;
"Krysalis is there."
To which Rinnaldo replies, "that's okay, I don't have anything against Krysalis."
Naturally I thought this boded ill and clobbered Bardok a few times to send him back where he came from. Unfortunately Bardok got a slash in with his sword, so I took to the air and told them both to bugger off. Krysalis turned scaley and asked for an explaination at which point Bardok made some threatening moves. Since I was well outta reach he just had to be going for her, so I attacked, she flamed and Bardok Trumped out after she landed on him and they both dissapeared. I called Mandor and got me a Didilus safe in House Sawall and persuaded Krysalis to leave off squishing Bardok so that we could get an explaination and an apology from a suitable distance. She wasn't keen ... I think she was a trifle outraged at the appalling lack of manners.
All this I could sorta let slide a little, Bardok being such a twat and all, but the fool only went and blabbed about The Ickus over Trump, didn't he. So, naturally, Asteroth picks this up (like I haven't told Bardok a thousand times about that sort of thing!) and now Asteroth's threatening to mind-rape me to get the truth of the situation. He's just looking for a good enough excuse now and given the sloppy, loose-lipped way most of my younger relatives seem to conduct themselves he'll probably have his good excuse by this time tomorrow. I'm probably being unfair, they're terribly young, but I'm in an unfair kinda mood. I'll try to be less aggresive and accusitory when I talk to him and Jules.
So, to avoid Asteroth gaining the knowledge that could wreck the universe, you know, the stuff I can't talk about, I gotta go get my head seen to again. First Mandor's gotta twiddle my doobries about Krysalis so Oberon is misled, then brother's gotta fuzz over everything Bardok told us, which was way too much as usual, then I have to suffer the indignity of being mindraped by Asteroth for a second time, which I, like, really object to, but I don't suppose my objections are gonna stop him. I'm feeling pretty put out about all this and if I don't get some kinda repentance from Bardok the tree, I'm gonna fertilize him in dog poo up to his leaves and then we'll see who's laughing. Having Mandor in my head is kinda like a mental ear-scritching, sorta friendly and definitely an addition to one's overall sense of security and stability (rare things these days, trust me). It's wonderful having someone I don't have to watch what I say in front of too. No secrets, no lies, no wretched internal conflicts, it's great.
But I have come to loath having other people in my mind.
Rather than end on that rather sour note, I kinda thought I'd save some of the nicer stuff for last, so I don't forget all the good things that are happening for me like Ericol does ... low blow, Ickus, very low.
Didilus is one year old now (I'm eighty-eight by the way, not sure when that happened, but it must have by now - oh yeah! Mandor's three hundred and eighty. I finally know!). We had fun celebrating Didilus' birthday at Itchy and Scratchy land, even if the visit to Mom didn't go as well as I'd have liked. Looks like Oberon's the golden boy in our family - all Mom cares about is Pattern *sigh* ... dad's less obsessed when it comes to relations with his kids, but maybe that's just 'cos he's nuts ... or maybe not ... it's hard to tell. I love them both, but they're kinda hard to deal with mentally.
Hey, The Gromble liked my scares! That's a first and I want a scare to knock his high-heels off next time I visit and I know just the guy to pull it on. Thanks to my best friend, probably the best friend in the universe 'cos I bet most friends wouldn't talk to their friend's wives about ... stuff. I guess I'd better do some reading actually so I don't get caught on the hop in complete ignorance. No-one's likely to catch me reading it in a deserted shadow twenty foot underground in a trashcan with a flashlight. Still, looks like I won't have to worry about it for quite a while and by the time I do have to worry about it I might not be worried about it. Capish?
Anyway, because of things Mandor told me, I decided that for my grandest scare yet, I should pick the hairy guy in the Realm as a victim. It's gonna be my best ever and rank right up there with some of The Great Slickus' scares. Mandor told me not to go killing him or anything because Krysalis has already dealt with him, and indeed killing him never entered my mind - but the boss didn't say anything about not scaring him. Scaring's my job, right? Well, one of them anyway. I gotta scare someone, so why not him? It's gonna be awsome ... he'll sleep with the lights on for the rest of his life! While I'm at it I might just drop in on ugly too, I've already scared fatty and I wouldn't want her feeling left out or anything. Bwuahahahahaha!
*Ahem* ... also, on my list of good things, Benny's teaching me some sword stuff. He's teaching me how to deflect blows, which is better than being a bleeding, screaming shield any day. Should make me a better bodyguard anyway and at least I won't feel like an aligator out of the sewers everytime swords come into the equation. I'm not sure what to do with all those bonsia trees I Logrused in ... I'd try my hand at it, but I'm not into trees and I'd probably kill them accidently. It's nice being with Benny, no matter how awful things are going, he can always keep a clear picture - if I understand the expression right, being around him is sorta meditive all by itself. When he isn't belting you around the head to regain your attention, that is.
Since I sorta got a few things straight, it's a lot easier being around Krysalis. Not so like walking on eggshells, you know? Once all this business with Asteroth is over I want to free up a bit of time so I'm around the Realm more often. Even with all the training going on I should be able to manage that. I can always work on ideas for Mandor's infiltrators while I'm there, so I'll still be working in a sense. It might be an idea to set up a house in a logrussy Shadow where I can alter things according to the stage of training. It'll be interesting meeting the dudes I'm supposed to be training ... what if they tell me to bog off? What if I turn out to be a really crap trainer? What if we don't get along and they all flunk and I fail utterly? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!
Jeez, I gotta stop hyperventilating like that, I get all spots in front of my eyes. It'll be fine, I'll give it my best shot and it's not like I haven't got time to prepare, is it? Besides, Mandor wouldn't give me a bunch of hard cases, would he? Would he? No. There, that's settled - it'll be fine. Criminy, relax.
I got two great scares lined up - it's gonna be just criminal how good I'm gonna get 'em. I got training with Benny. I got Ericol to make happy. A few discussions here and there. Julian's Trumps to be gotten. Asteroth to pacify. Training to be worked out. Aside from that, I'm my own monster - life ain't that bad, you know? I'm pretty happy, not that many problems, pretty good work for the most part, my boss is my best friend - yeah, I'm doing okay ... just gotta avoid Asteroth's attentions.