Um, looks like I got some scaring to do - I'm alive and well and things are actually looking up a bit. Thanks Ancestors. Still, it's not all good news - some of us didn't make it and there are still problems.
Over the month, Sunbursts attacked a couple of times, but like, not as seriously as before, you know? Caine had been doing some scouting and he said they had some humans with them for some reason I haven't actually figured out even now. The impression was that they were going to attack real soon and with a lot more zest than before. When Julian suggested having a sort of feast, I kinda got the impression that the condemned were about to eat a hearty meal. I threw up again.
Went outside and Krysalis came with me, insisting that I was good company (despite all evidence to the contrary). Didilus wanted to play bang bang, but I told him I wasn't in the mood for that and I didn't like guns, so he settled for horsy instead - which kinda saved me from sitting there being bummed in front of Krysalis. Didilus still has a problem understanding why he shouldn't read folks minds. I worry about him.
Well, the Sunbursts attacked again and this time it was different. They were all in neat little rows with a big blue circle on a banner (knew what that meant). They started hurling big metal rocks at my wall and knocked all the gappy bits off - not to mention me, getting back up on that wall was really hard. When they started scaling the walls they were shouting his name and I nearly ran then, I nearly ran away. No-one will ever know how close I was ...
As it happens I was saved from my own cowardness by a far more powerful force; it goes by the name of Mandor and was being attacked by gazillions of Sunbursts. He was on the roof with only a bunch of presumably magicked daemons to help him. Gah, I went kinda nuts on them, the Sunbursts that is. I don't really want to think about what I did too much - let's move along.
Um, oh yeah, Julian was getting pretty whopped in the courtyard so I ... no ... I don't want to think about that either. Next.
Uh, Mandor was starting to get things under control and someone (can't remember who) told me to tell Gerard that Dalt was heading for the Pattern. I went down there with him and there were a whole bunch of people down there. It's a bit mixed up, but they was gonna ditch the Pattern. Jeez, I nearly fell on it trying to catch the blood. Gross. Anyway, Dalt had switched the blood so I nearly got fried for nothing - he's got a very strange sense of humour.
Vogel got his head popped off by one of Them. Bardok was all squished in his arms. It was terrible. Can't remember, can't remember how It died. But Vogel was dead - dead as dust. It's been a bad time and I want to forget as much as I can.
Went to check on Mandor, he was okay and I told him about the Pattern room and Fiona would need him so off he went. After a little while, not sure how long, I thought I'd feel glad when it was all over and I didn't at all, just kinda ... washed out - faded - less than I was. Anyway, straying from the point again ... Benedict came back with the army he'd promised. Right on time, just as he said. Poor Benny. I went down to greet him and gave him a hug to show that I was pleased to see him regardless. He had Bleys with him.
I didn't know what to say to any of them. I went to check if Mandor was okay (in case I'd gone blind the first time, you know) and saw that Krysalis and Didilus were okay. Krysalis was as shakey as I was, but it sure felt good to hold her again. Felt good to be alive, in a dazed sort of way.
Uh, at some point Logrus came back. Felt it come back, very odd. I tried my brother's card and there he was, wet and PO'd. I asked him what had happened and he didn't seem to know much better than I did. After a short time, Mandor went through a Trump contact and then a bit later, Lila said I'd been signed up for a mission to pattern/Logrus bomb Ghostwheel by my brother. I was a bit annoyed.
I went to see brother to find out what the hey was going on, but he wouldn't tell me. I said if he wasn't going to say, then he could forget me going on any mission - so I didn't go. Went back to the infirmary in a bit of a foul mood. I mean, we all just went through absolute hell protecting him, dad and his precious bloody Amber. What made it worse was the fact that he had collared my boss into his scheme, doubtless using his usual combination of charm, gentle persuasion and diplomacy. I guess he just picked a really bad time to get my back up, I was still pretty rattled.
I asked Krysalis to take Didilus home, because to be honest, I don't trust brother at all sometimes. She agreed and I said I'd call her as soon as I knew what the hey was going on. Actually, I'm going to run a letter Via Nod first, because I should probably keep the Trumps quiet until everything's sorted.
*sigh* I was trying to sort out Julian, partly because I felt sorry for him getting as cut up as he did and partly because I want to get on with him enough to get let off to see my family as often as possible. He's in pretty sorry shape - I feel bad about chewing him up, he might have moved a little faster if I hadn't. Then again he might not. Ah well, he's alive at least. More than can be said for a lot of his dogs ... have to ask him if he wants me to bury them when he wakes up.
Around about this time, Ericol came to tell Gerard that Ghostwheel was trying to kill my brother. Bardok came too and started yelling at me about how brother had hit him. Then he started yelling again when I was trying to hear what Ericol was saying about events, so I threatened to do the same. Shouldn't have, really. He's just lost his brother and he's probably really scabbed out about it. I'll have to apologise later, I guess. I've been a bit, um, tense lately myself.
Luckily Bardok had a Trump of Corwin's place, where Ghostwheel can't go - I figured brother would know that too. We went through (effort!) and found him in Corwin's castle. I downloaded events since just before I got 'tested' (minus all the private stuff - most of it anyway, I hope). Having done that I told him exactly how successful I thought his methods were going to be on Vortegon. Amazingly enough, he actually seemed to listen ... gee, I'm kinda stunned about that. He's not usually much of a listener. Maybe he'll pound me later. Whatever, it beats scraping him up with a spatula.
He told the others to wait at Corwin's castle and took me out into Corwin's shadow to call uncle. He turned into me (white hair and all). Vortegon came and at first he was a bit mad that we'd broken the agreement. It was hard not to get mad at him, actually - he put us through hell and lots of people died. I killed a lot of people because of his damn test. I know he didn't mean that to happen. I know we're not the greatest family in the universe. *sigh* I asked him to give us another chance and he asked me how, so I said he should be with us for a while and get to know what we're really like.
Vortegon agreed, though when I told him about the problems with Ghostwheel, he instantly suspected that we were going to throw him on the Pattern as a swap. He's just like the rest of us, really (paranoid). I hope he realises that before he decides to toast us all. Mind you, I've got my own problems on that front - he might decide to toast me for purely personal reasons. I need to talk to Krysalis about this one. I'm not sure if it can be kept a secret from him and I'm not sure if it should be. If he finds out by accident, maybe he'll be madder than if he's told? Neep! Anxiety.
Well, I know I gotta stay in Amber a bit longer. Julian's gonna need a hand (sorry) whether he wants one or not. My boss'll probably be there for a while too and I oughta make sure he's kept up to date, which means running Nod around a little, but hey, that's his job, right? And I definitely gotta keep an eye on brother and Vortegon in case they fight. I should go see my dad too - busy, busy, busy.
PS:
Hmm ... Vortegon's zipped off to spy (sorry, observe) the family incognito. He's going to find out about me an Krysalis, I know he is. Oh gawd. Sooner I talk to Krysalis the better. Oh dear. Have mercy, Vortegon - on all of us. Naaaaarg!
I had a long chat with brother after Vortegon left (gulp). Brother's gonna stay in Corwin's place until we've sorted out the problem with Ghostwheel. The first idea is to try and contact Merlin. Failing that, try to talk to Ghostwheel with Lila's assistance. Talking to dad is out, because bro reckons that dad will do something fatal. *sigh* - problems.
We talked about a lot of stuff, mostly brother's attitude to the universe in general. I can see we're not going to agree on this readily. Still, at least he's talking to me, which is a step up from just ordering me around. I've asked him not to interfere in my life, several times - he just says I wouldn't believe whatever he said, which is so non-commital it's untrue. I worry about Didilus ... I'd love to say that I wasn't afraid of brother hurting him, but I am. Isn't that awful? I know he doesn't want to but he's got it into his head that it's his job to run the universe. I worry about my brother too ... still, at least we're talking, s'gotta be a step in the right direction.
Top all this with the information I got from Ericol; Jaz was dropped off at her birth Shadow after the test. Baron Hendrake turned up and took her to Dara. Hendrake at House Sawall? I thought that Hendrake's didn't get on with us too well, not since they worked for Him at any rate. This can't be good. Dara - I don't trust her, I don't like her, she's too close to The Thing. In Mandor's absence, has she been working with Hendrake to her own purposes? As soon as we're back in Amber, I'll have to tell Mandor and get Nod to fetch what information he can get from Miles. Too dangerous to send Nod in with Dara - I do not trust her, she's a part of The Thing.
Ericol says Jaz does not like him as much as she did, now she speaks angrily to him. Ericol asked me if Dara would mess with her head and I had to tell him that in my opinion, biased against Dara as I am, that she would. Ericol is very worried, as am I for my House - but his worry must be greater than mine. I lent him my Trump and told him that it would be too dangerous to face Dara or Jaz in Chaos or the House. I know what he's like though and made him promise that if he did go, he would not take my card with him. She probably has a Trump of me already, but why make a gift of it? I am afraid of her.
Hmm, Ericol told me how lonely he was - particularly now that he has lost Percy, I suspect. He told me to tell no-one else, nobody. I told him that I would not, except those that I could not help telling. I thought he knew me well enough to know that I hide nothing from Mandor. Seems that he didn't. He started groaning and wouldn't tell me why - I guess he was going through all the conversations we ever had and regretting them. I smiled and told him that I guessed he'd never talk to me ever again and left him to it. Shame that ... oh well. Give him enough time and he'll probably forget that talking to me is as good as talking to my master. Probably.
PPS:
Oh, shit. Turns out Hendrake's got a thing for Jaz, hence his arrival. Smeg. Whoops. Gee, I really want to avoid Dara for a while. Dunderhead. Sorry boss.
Just thought I'd let you know what was going on - will call you later, promise. I know things go faster where you are, so don't think I've forgotten or anything, I'm working as fast as I can.
After you left, Ghostwheel tried to kill my brother, so he bugged out to Corwin's place, which is where uncle Vortegon was, if you recall. Luckily Bardock had a Trump of there, so we went and talked to my bro. He's okay, and he agreed to talk to Vortegon, which we did. Uncle seems to be a fairly reasonable guy on a lot of points and he's agreed to come back to our bit of the universe to get to know us all a bit better - must talk to you about that most urgently - preferably not over Trump.
Julian's okay, sort of. He's still out for the count, so I can't actually tell you when I can come home yet - sorry. Everyone else is pretty much okay, apart from Fiona and Bardok, obviously. Ericol lost Sir Percy, so he's pretty bummed too. I'm not sure what your supposed to say in these circumstances, so any ideas would be appreciated. Got a few things that need sorting out, but if Julian wakes up and wants me in his forest, I'll see if I can find a plant you haven't got for your garden. I'd rather be with you and Didilus, but there's still a little trouble here that I'm kinda obliged to keep an eye on. Miss you. Please tell Didilus that if he's good (you know what I mean), I'll give him another ride in the fields when I get back (if that's okay?). See you soon, I hope. I'll be ever so sweet (gag) to Julian and maybe he'll give me time off for good behaviour?
Love,
Ickus. x
In regard to the recent defence of Amber against the army of Epsilor, it occured to me that greater weight could be lent to our earlier statement that the previous attack was by a rouge faction (which of course it was) if it could be said that the aformentioned defence had in fact been carried out under your direct orders (which of course it would have been had adequate communication channels been open at the time, right?).
In regard to the ongoing debate over the positioning of the tree, may I suggest that further persuit of this argument might be a hinderance as much as anything else? It seems that the tree cannot be moved in the desired direction and to destroy the tree would cause irreperable damage to shadow, which could be directly harmful to The Courts. As I'm sure you are aware of Vortegon's views on the use of Shadow and its inhabitants, while I can see no harm in complying with Vortegon's wishes (possibly the opposite, Vortegon's favour could be well worth winning) - upsetting Vortegon, on the other hand, seems like a disaventageous thing to do in the extreme. Witness the recent cut-off of Logrus. If you want a direct liason with Vortegon I would be more than happy to pass on what little I know of him, but I believe I would be a bad choice at this time.
Since I'm bound by unfortunate circumstance to stay in Amber for the time being, a little direction as to which policy I should be pushing wouldn't go amiss. Should I concentrate on direct relations with The Courts or lean more towards better trade negotiations? It is possible that some headway could be made on either front should all go well. Might I also ask if Baron Hendrake will be returning as Ambassador, or whether a replacement is to be sent?
Hoping that this letter finds you well and in pleasant circumstances and that you are satisfied with my conduct thus far, I remain;
Your obidient servant,
Ickus.
Hmm, I've had better weeks - I've had worse too, but that's not very comforting, is it? Still, things have calmed down a bit and I don't seem to have done any permanent damage, for which I'm heartily grateful.
Started off alright (if you can call it that). Spent the day burying the dead with a growing collection of helpers. My dad really speeded things up for us, which was nice of him and he gave me a Trump of Merlin so that I could contact him and start working on the Ghostwheel problem.
Merlin was understandibly defensive about the whole thing. He was terribly fond of Ghostwheel and I asked him if he considered it alive, which he did. It put me in a bit of a pickle straight away, because I already knew that brother wanted it, him, destroyed and I figured quite a few other people did too. I couldn't go along with destroying Ghostwheel on the grounds that it, he, was too dangerous to keep around - I'm not that much of a hypocrite. Ghostwheel was sodding dangerous, not to mention immature, emotionally if nothing else, but that's hardly a good reason to kill things, is it? Going by that criteria I'd be a candidate for death row myself - lord, I've done enough damage in my time. And it's a horrible precident to set with Didilus in the world.
I went with Merlin to have a chat with Ghostwheel. He wasn't in much of a listening mood ... I daresay I'd be just as unreasonable in similar circumstances, but I'd like to think that I wouldn't want to kill people willy-nilly just because they couldn't help me. After a rather abortive attempt to talk Ghostwheel into calming down a little, I got sent back to Amber.
Julian was still in a fever and Gerard said he'd probably be like that most of the day. I couldn't see the harm in leaving him a little while, so I called Krysalis and went through to the Realm to have a chat about uncle.
Krysalis agreed that uncle should probably be told about our marriage, but she wanted to be there when I did it and I didn't really like the idea too much. Getting a beating is painful and humiliating enough as it is without an audience, you know? I don't think uncle would hurt Krysalis, but I wasn't so sure he wouldn't hurt Didilus, so I persuaded her to wait for my return. Left her my collar so she'd know | was coming back - I'm not in the habit of leaving bits of myself lying around.
Went out with great trepidation to find uncle. I knew he was going to thrash me and he did - he favours the picking up by the throat and whopping round the head method, which is less unpleasant than some, I've discovered. He seems awfully fond of Krysalis, which wasn't working in my favour at the time, but how bad can he be if he likes her so much? He was pretty mad when he found out we were married, and even madder when he found out we had a kid. He told me I wasn't good enough for her (I'm kind of inclined to agree with him there, but I do my best, man). When I told him I'd only mated with her because I was insane at the time (not that ... oh, never mind), he said he was going to go and check my story, which is a lot more of a chance than many of my relatives would give me in similar circumstances I'm pretty sure.
Went back to Krysalis to tell her how it had gone and pick up my collar. I told her that she should probably expect a visit and really I wanted to stay a while to make sure she'd be okay. Things run a lot faster there and I was wondering if I could maybe stay a while, but Krysalis reminded me that I'd given my word, so I had to leave with the sword of Vortegon hanging over my head, hoping like heck he wouldn't hurt her or Didilus. You see, I didn't want to be running around like a headless chicken trying to stop my folks from killing each other, I wanted to be with her. I wish they'd just all stop and talk to each other or something.
I went back to Amber and dropped by to see my boss on my way to the infirmary. I wasn't sure if Vortegon was going to eliminate (eradicate) what he probably views as his grandaughter's embarrassment - let's face it, he wouldn't be the first to look at me in that light. I wanted to know if Mandor had a Trump of her so he could at least, you know, check up on her every now and then or something if I got toasted. I was trying to tell him this when I heard Fiona in the room muttering Merlin in a kinda dangerous way. Things went radically downhill from this point onwards.
*sigh* I'm not sure if I really want to talk about this, but we'll give it a whirl and see how it goes, I suppose. Fiona wanted revenge for Vogel's death real bad. I wasn't sure how much she was listening to what I was trying to tell her, but I didn't think she was listening much. She wanted things done real fast, very fast, faster than I could do them with the best will in the world. I didn't think she was going to wait long at all and when we got Merlin through to ask him about sorting Ghostwheel she froze him. Froze me and Mandor too at some point, but I kinda forgot why. I know she went in my head and I didn't like that, that's Mandor only stuff, you know? Still, she could have mindfucked me to do just about anything, I guess, so she wasn't on a total, total rampage.
I told her I couldn't get my dad to help so it would have to be Suhey and she agreed. I checked with Julian who was awake by this point and told him I'd bury his dudes in the forest when I got back. He let me go, so I went and asked Suhey about sorting out Ghostwheel. I figured getting Suhey not to turn off Pattern was going to be difficult, but I was so pushed for time that I thought maybe we could cross that bridge when we came to it. Suhey agreed to go capture Ghostwheel and confine it, but he didn't know how long it would take, so I went back. (Ran into some tourists on the way who apparently have something to do with Vortegon - directed them to Sam's bar, so I really hope he didn't do anything bad to them).
Anyway, Fiona couldn't wait, apparently, and though I tried to stop her she took Merlin off someplace to mindfuck him into killing Ghostwheel. Mandor had already told me that if Merlin died, Dara would probably blame him and try to kill him. Fiona pain attacked me and froze me again and by the time Bleys came along and unfroze me, Merlin was already gone. I made a last-ditch attempt to talk Fiona out of it, but she just kept turning her hour glass over and waiting. I called Suhey to see how he was progressing (not very far) and I couldn't think of any other way to stop her. I knew that if I stopped Merlin she'd just freak, so I asked Suhey to drop me in behind her so I could knock her out first.
I hit her too hard, minute I saw the blood I knew I'd hit her too hard. Bleys and Bardock were there and really angry with me (understandibly), but I didn't have time to do much except go on after Merlin. With Suhey's help I got there just in time to see Benny arriving. Benny said I'd screwed up bad and should have talked to him a long time before - he's right, I should have and I didn't think of it. Don't know why I didn't think of it, but I didn't.
I took Merlin back to Amber and left Benny talking with Ghostwheel. Then I went to tell Mandor how badly I'd muffed things up and that I'd hurt Fiona, but he was already with her and so was Bleys. Bleys gave me enough time to deliver Benny's message that Fiona should be put in a cell, then he got me. Pain attacked me for what seemed awfully like forever. Last thing I remember is screaming lots and wrything around in terrible agony, then I guess I must have passed out because I woke up in the infirmary. He could have done something more permanent - he was plenty pissed - but then again, I'm not going to forget that snortch in a hurry and I still feel bad as hell about what I did to Fiona.
Mandor didn't know if Fiona was going to be alright or not, so I went to bury Julian's dead. I was feeling pretty wretched about the whole thing and I really didn't want to see anyone or be seen by anyone, so when Random asked me if I wanted to be in on the meeting about Ghostwheel I told him I was afraid of being attacked and he let me off. I wouldn't have been any good to anyone there anyway.
Went to see how Julain was doing and he wanted me to go get him an arm and a leg, which gave me another handy excuse for avoiding all and sundry. I went and got them and while he was trying them out all my Trumps went so cold they got covered in ice - that's a kinda disturbing thing to happen in your body. I found out a bit later that it happened when Ghostwheel died. Poor Ghostwheel. They'd sent Roody to kill him and luckily Roody survived. Bardok pointed out that if Roody survived it, Merlin probably would have so I hit Fiona for nothing. I don't quite see it that way ... I'm sorry I hit her, but I'm glad Merlin didn't kill Ghostwheel, he'd have felt ghastly about it if he had - he probably feels bad enough as it is. I should send my condolances via brother, I don't think anyone else is sorry Ghostwheel's dead. I can't help but think of Didilus and overall the whole affair's left me feeling pretty blerg.
After Bardok had given me a (deserved) dressing down I went to apologise to Fiona - I would have done it anyway, but I don't suppose he believes that. She's okay, thank goodness. She seems to have forgiven me for whopping her, 'cos I offered to help with Vogel's funeral and she let me, which I don't suppose she'd have done if she hated me. After that I went to find Mandor to see what sort of mood he was in with me. He'd crashed in the black room and I was pretty tired myself so I snuck under the bed. I got a pinball to hold while I slept, so I guess things are okay, despite all the mess-ups I've made lately. I'm glad about that at least. Harsh words from Mandor hurt a lot more than any beating ever has.
Well, Roody's price for putting his life on the line in the name of infanticide was to marry Ericol. Funnily enough, Ericol was agreeable and it was one of those odd occasions when I was truely glad to be wrong. With hindsight, I'm not as wrong as I'd like to be, but never mind - Roody seems reasonably happy with how things turned out. Someone suggested that we all go out for a drink to unwind a bit and Julian didn't mind me going, so I did.
Actually I'm really glad I went - right from the start I had every intention of achieving alcohol induced oblivion, but I didn't think I'd have as much fun as I did getting there. Ericol managed to blab that I'd let slip about Mandor being my brother (Ericol was trying to persuade me to be his best man at the time), but fortunately nothing really came of it - apart from Ericol getting a little wetter. Benny came and he brought a really neat drink with him, knocks your socks off. Everyone had one tiny glass, but I managed to persuade him to give me a second and he let me eat the bottle. I think it was round about then I noticed my feet melting, but it's all a bit of a blur after that. Something about being in a bucket and Mandor putting bows in my hair ... I remember Krysalis being there at some point or another, but I'm damned if I can remember how she got there. I'll assume I continued to have a good time, anyway.
Roody and Ericol's wedding rolled around (I thought Krysalis and me had been given some wierd stuff). Oh yeah, Dara gave him that creepy nanny thing ... whoops. Oh well, I guess she knows perfectly well how I feel about her by now - odd that, I like her dad heaps. I wouldn't have been at the wedding at all, but Roody wanted me to help fill out the Chaosite side of the group. Seemed too good an opportunity to pass up - besides, I quite like Roody. The speeches were pretty funny and I took the chance to thank Ericol for cheering us all up.
Well, now Mandor's gone back to Chaos to see how House Sawall's doing. He asked me to keep an eye on Fiona, so I'll see if I can drop in to see her every day if I can. I rather got the impression from what he was saying that Dara had knocked him about a bit over what Ericol did. Cow. Trouble is, I'm really not up to taking on Dara at all so I'd better keep my trap shut. Smeg. I'm always getting him into trouble, its like I'm some sort of reverse achiever or something. I hate it when this happens, I want him to be pleased with me, not get beaten up because of me.
Still, it's not all bad news. Krysalis is here in Amber for a couple of weeks. She's staying with me in the forest, which is good on two counts; keeps Didilus out of sight and hopefully out of mind and I get to see her every day, for a while at least. Didn't tell her about how horrible everything had been (why depress her?). I still haven't told her how I feel about her either and I'm not sure if I should or not. Will it just confuse the issue? Still, since Mandor's in Chaos it gives me the perfect excuse to write him, 'cos to be honest I'd really rather ask him about this from a distance (where I can't hear the laughter). Oh yeah, she says Vortegon visited her and they talked a bit and it looks like he's not going to moosh me after all, which is nice to know.
Talked to my brother about a lot of things, including Vortegon. Brother says that Vortegon probably likes monsters and doesn't like me because I'm not monsterous enough, which sorta threw me a little, since I've been working on the opposite principle. He says I should just wait and Vortegon will talk to me if he wants to (suits me, my face needs a rest). He's going to have a word with him himself, but more to do with Falstaff's people than anything else.
Since the only reply I got from Asteroth was "yes", I kinda tried to cover all the stuff I wrote him about. I guess Asteroth wasn't just brushing me off, because Hendrake's had to drop his incessant 'move the tree' talks. Still, I daresay he'll find something else to bother Obe about - preferably something brother might actually be persuaded to move on. When I asked brother about relationships between Amber and Chaos he indicated rather strongly that Roody was pregnant, which is great news. Despite Ericol's behaviour, Roody's allowed to keep the title 'princess of Amber' too, which is slightly bizarre, but also good news on the diplomatic front. It's nice to know that at least one area I'm involved in hasn't turned to utter crud.
PS:
Hmm, I asked Krysalis what Vortegon had said to her and she said they'd just discussed how me and Krysalis feel about each other, so I changed the subject to Didilus pretty quick, 'cos I'm sorta afraid to find out what she thinks of me and what she thinks I think of her - if that makes sense? I mean, I didn't even know how I felt about her until I nearly got killed on a parapet, so how could she know? I sort of want to know what she said, but then again I sorta don't want to know because the trouble with knowing things is that quite often you find out things are just about as far removed from your hopes as possible and that's hard, you know?
Krysalis says that uncle Vortegon seems to quite like Didilus (another big head apparently). He even gave him a horsey ride and didn't seem to mind his ears at all. Maybe the basilisk shape will ease his evident annoyance with me? I'll try my scariest pose next time I see him.
I had a chat with Didilus about his head escapades - it wasn't easy, he's far too young to understand. Didilus told me that when he goes into my head he just ends up in the red room with Mandor, where he plays marbles with the pinballs. That's kinda cool, isn't it? I've been meaning to ask Mandor if he'd fix up some defences in my noggin and it looks like he's already done it. I hope I'm that cool when I grow up. ANYway, Mandor's fixed Didilus' head so that he can't do it for the moment, which means at least the kid can play with other kids now and we don't have to worry about him touching other relatives. One less thing to worry about - I'm happy with that.
Well, now Benny's gone off to find Dalt again and once Krysalis goes home that means that the only person left I'm really comfortable talking to is Caine. Still, dad might be relatively together some of the time and there's always my mom, although I can't really talk much to her when she's the Unicorn, but with some folks you don't need words so much, you know? Anyway, it's a pretty big forest and there's gotta be something more interesting than trees in it, right? I miss Mandor already and I know I'm gonna miss Krysalis, but I'm going to try real hard not to be miserable. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade, right? I sort of understand that proverb, but I haven't found a suitable monster translation yet ...
how's everything going at the House? Is everyone okay? Are you okay? Don't let Dara get on your case or anything. Sorry about that, I'll try to be more careful about what I say (especially to Ericol, but I haven't seen him since the wedding anyway). Oh yeah, this should cheer you up - unconfirmed as yet, but Roody may be pregnant - hah!
Keeping an eye on Fiona. Is there anything in particular you want me to do? I'll try not to screw it up, promise. She seems pretty much okay ... considering. Sorry. I feel bad about that, I really do - and not just because of the snortching either. What Bley's did hurt plenty as well though, very educational, honest.
Something else that'll probably amuse you (which is why I'm writing it rather than telling it), is that I got a few (a lot of) questions for you about, um, stuff. If you're going to laugh, try to get it out of your system before I see you again, which will be soon, I hope. Oh yeah, this has absolutely nothing, nil, zip, nada, ziltch to do with mating, okay? So just clear your mind of that for a minute (a change is as good as a rest).
I think I sorta need some advice about Krysalis (Ericol said I could always come to him for advice on my marriage - yes, I did laugh). Thing is, I think I've sort of fallen in love with her (careless of me, I know) and I don't know whether I should tell her or not. I mean, so many things could go wrong. If I do tell her, how the heck do I do it? Can embarrassment really be fatal or is that just an expression? What should I do if she falls over laughing? Or even worse, what if I make her cry? What if she thinks I'm only saying it to get something from her? Should I tell her at all, or should I keep the way I feel to myself?
I want to do whatever's best for her, but I'm not good on this sort of thing (as you know) and I don't know what the right thing is. Ericol's given me some termendously confusing and conflicting advice (totally unasked for) and from the way he tells it she ought to hate me already because ... well, just because, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't. Does that mean he was totally wrong or just partially wrong? Or am I wrong? What should I be doing? It's not like I can just ask her out and see how it goes, is it? I'm already in it up to my ears - well, over my ears and going down for the third time, actually. Help?
Obviously you could just forget I ever asked you any of this, if you'd rather not get into it. On the other hand, I wouldn't be asking if I didn't need your advice and I'm sure as hell not going to ask anyone else, it's embarrassing enough asking you and I know just fine I'm laying myself open to all sorts of ear-pulling. No pressure there ...
Everything else here's okay - Julian's getting the hang of his new leg pretty good now, he's not falling over nearly as often. The ranger's are fun to scare, but it's more fun scaring with you. Still, I'm working off my debt, so at least I'm getting somewhere even if it is excruciatingly slow (ninety-nine years, eleven months, three weeks and four days to go), and I suppose that here in the forest there's a definite limit to how much trouble I can get into. Did you know there are at least three diffrent types of squirrel living in Arden? Great thing about being a shapeshifter is that you can look interested when someone tells you something like that. By the time this is over I'm going to know more about trees than I ever wanted to know ...
'Snot all bad, there are trillions of beetles and slugs and the worms are something else. I'm gonna look for skunks first chance I get. If I find any do you want me to send you some?
Oh yeah, couldn't remember if you knew this or not, so I'll tell you just in case. The dudes in green with the swirly thing on the arms are something to do with uncle Vortegon, so be nice to them, okay?
Gosh, long letter. Sorry for waffling. Please write back if you get the time (I'll need something to read next time Ericol comes to talk to me). Take care of yourself.
Love,
Ickus.
I think I'm the happiest monster this side of Newark at the moment - makes a change, eh? Mandor gave me a call and came through to Arden to talk about the letter I wrote him (I think he likes watching me squirm). He said I should definitely tell Krysalis, but wasn't sure how I should do it, since he hasn't got round to telling Fiona yet. Ever get the feeling you're a test monster? (grin) He said I should tell her when we were alone, but to tell him how it went.
Krysalis wanted to go to the Grove, which I figured would be about as private as anywhere here. Mandor watched Didilus for us. Took me a while to actually tell her, veering into mercifully hypothetical territory on the way, but I did it! Ha! I did it! I wasn't sure I could, but I did! Even better, she wasn't even vaguely annoyed and she said she loves me too. 'skinda sissy, I guess, but I feel really good now and the only one that knows is Mandor, so that's okay. I was sure as heck happy, she seemed happy and we both flew around for a bit in dragon form (she even got small). She's so cool when she's scaley. You know, she said she knew I loved her before I told her and when I asked how she said it was because she was married to me ... are girls weird or what? You think maybe women get bizarre psychic powers when they get married? Maybe I should ask Mandor?
Went back and played about in the mud a bit with Didilus, Krysalis and Mandor. It was good fun. Krysalis won all the races because me and Mandor were too busy trying to stuff each other up. I was gonna chuck some mud in Julian's direction, since his clockwork's all sorted out now, but Mandor says Julian has an anti-sense of humour so I shouldn't. Poor guy.
Mandor's staying with us in the forest for a bit and helping me and Krysalis with shape-shifting, which is real cool. He teaching me loads of new stuff and helping me get the basilisk right. He says I should try and look noble instead of scary next time I see Vortegon ... I'll pull my brother's favorite face, that ought to work, he looks pretty snotty when he does that.
Learnt quite a lot over the last couple of days. Yet again I'm working for a total nutter; I can turn my liver into a spleen; skunk smell to people is like perfume to monsters; and talking to Asteroth is like playing with explosives.
Julian wasn't too wowed by the idea of skunk hunting, but he helped me find one anyway. Didilus seemed to dig it, but he plays a bit rough and it ran away. At Mandor's suggestion I went into the critters head, so now I've fixed it so that it likes me and while it still goes out and does whatever skunks do, it comes back to the warren and lives there with me. I called it Stinky - it's nice to have a pet and it can keep me company. Sprays on command, 'sneat.
Fixed the warren up pretty good. 'Cos all the walls are earth you can dig holes to put things in and pinballs stay in there pretty good too. Caine didn't like it too much, but then I never said he had taste, did I? Didn't even try the worms. Anyway, there's bundles of passages and chambers and multiple exits, so I feel pretty safe down there. It's important to feel safe where you crash.
Working for Captain Clockwork is actually better than I thought it was going to be. I'd still rather be in a position to serve Mandor more than I am now, but all things considered, I think I got pretty lucky. Julian hasn't stopped me scaring and he doesn't beat me or yell at me (well, he hardly ever yells anyway). I get time off to play too, so all in all if anyone was ever to ask me, I think I'd recomend him as a master. From his general attitude I'd say the way he treats me has nothing to do with the fact that I'm a relative (that's probably a con rather than a pro) and given the fact that he's got me over a barrel, he could be pretty much as mean as he wanted to be and there wouldn't be anything I could do about it. He's not the git I had him down as - pleased about that.
Ran into a few problems scaring relatives on their way through the forest, but since I learnt that Logrus fends off stone-binding, it's not so bad. I've done just about everybody I'm prepared to try scaring, so I figure if I leave them in peace a while, I can get them a good one when they feel safe. Ditto the rangers, but they're easier. In the mean time, I can always go out to the nearest Shadows and scare 'em up a heap. Seems that Jules has got himself a Spikard too, those things are getting pretty prolific, so maybe I ought to find out more about them before I get hurt.
Ericol came back to Amber with some dude who's his servant apparently. Wouldn't mind talking to him a bit more actually if the opportunity presents itself, he seemed kinda interesting and I got the impression he was pretty old, so he must have seen lots of interesting stuff. He kept calling me a Lord of Chaos - 'snice to recognised as a chaosite, but as you know, I'm not much for titles. Be slightly different if I'd actually earned one, you understand, but the only thing I'm anywhere near claiming as a title is diplomat - and I could be doing better on that front. Anyway, this dude needs a serious pep talk concerning The Courts - seems to think we're all bastards. Ericol's his usual self. I would have just scared him, said hi and left it at that, but he had to go wandering into conversational territory that he knows just fine annoys me, so I annoyed him back.
Vogel's funeral was held. Brother wanted to know if any of us wanted to say anything and got annoyed when no-one did. Thing is, only time I really remember having anything much to do with him was when I got shot, and I didn't think that's what brother meant. Bardok said a little, but seems he didn't really know his brother that well, which is a bit surprising really.
Uncle Vortegon was at the funeral disgused as a servant. He was talking about trade unions and stuff and how all the workers should unite. I'm still not too clear on this one, I read all the stuff he'd written, but it seems kinda odd. If you put yourself into a position where you have to, or want to work for someone, you should do as they say, right? If you piss them off you get snortched, obviously - that's the way things are. I mean, if they beat you for no reason then go work for someone else, right? Now, uncle says that some people haven't got that option and maybe something should be done for them, but there can't be that many, can there? Besides, a Gromble's a Gromble and it just is that way. I'm not sure if I dig it at all, but maybe it's a culture thing, you know? He even asked me if I wanted to join the union. Strange bloke. One good thing is that I showed Vortegon the basilisk shape and he seemed to be pleased by it just like both my brothers said. Result. You know, all this talk of liberation from opressers is pretty odd coming from someone who's beat me up more times than anyone else I can think of ...
Brother got pretty peeved by what he said was uncle meddling in his affairs. I couldn't resist yanking his ears about it, considering the amount of meddling he does. I think I must have yanked a bit hard actually because he turned me into something horrible, despite my entreaties that we were brothers and he shouldn't be so mean. He made me grovel before he changed me back, in front of everyone, the booger. Krysalis says I should watch what I say more ... hmm. Still, when we went to the pub he proved that he is capable of playing, which sorta surprised me. More than can be said for Bardok; touchy or what?! I'll be charitable for the moment and put it down to his brother's funeral - mind you, if he was that badly off why'd he come to the pub with us? I think I'll just avoid him and his dad for the forseeable future, given the opportunity I think they'd both quite like to do me over. *sigh* I was getting on with Bleys fairly well too, it's a bummer.
Mandor came along after a while and told me that Fiona might work out how to get Vogel back, so I should be careful. I told Obe and he said there wasn't a lot he could do about it. Now the whole family's in a state of mild paranoia about Fiona chucking one of us on the Pattern. Mandor says he's safe because he wouldn't work, which is good news. I'm worried about some of the family though. Had to tell Julian, 'cos he could have been suckered real easy if he hadn't known. I'm trying to keep a permanent couple of Logrus tendrils on Krysalis and Didilus too. Sent Nod to tell Roody about it because of his baby ... what a charming situation.
I was boogying around the forest doing my stuff and watching out for infiltrators when a whole bunch of the youngsters came through. They asked me if I wanted to join them in tracking down one of those nasty things brother said might be unleashed by the swirly guys. I laughed and said they must be crazy going after something that Obe and Vortegon were afraid of, but I rather got the impression that they thought I was lying or maybe that I'd exagerrated. Ericol was threatening to ask Julian to let me go with them, even though I said I didn't want to. Have I upset Ericol radically recently? I didn't think I had.
Because of the situation with Fiona, I spent the night awake keeping an eye on my tendrils and stuff. Krysalis decided to sleep with her head on my lap. Wasn't too sure about the wisdom of it personally, I think she trusts me a lot more than I trust myself. Still, I was alert and it was kinda nice having her so close. I want ... well, I'm not sure what I want actually - too much probably. Anyway, she wants to go home, she's homesick. I want to make it easy for her, so I'll see if I can get Logrus all the way to the Realm, that way she can go back without having to worry too much about Fiona. Don't want her to go, but she doesn't belong here any more than I do, so I shouldn't be selfish. I'll try to make it easy. I want to go home too, so I know how she feels.
Aa-anyway, I found Falstaff camped out on the outskirts of the forest, so I pulled him through to the main camp bacause I knew brother wanted to talk to him. Turns out that the swirly guys are sorta rogue dudes who don't really know what they're doing. A bit later all the youngsters came back (intact) and Julian went out to meet them and find out what had been going on. After what they'd run into, maybe they'll be a bit more inclined to believe me next time? Ha! Doubt it.
Took Falstaff up to the castle in the morning and Mandor said he had to go back to Chaos so I should be extra careful about Fiona. She didn't want to go down to breakfast - I can understand her being ticked off with me, but everybody? Maybe she wants to be ticked off with everybody so it's easier to chuck them on the Pattern? Maybe I'm too paranoid?
Went back to Arden and Julian gave me a whole heap of grief and ordered me to go to sleep. I can see I'm going to have to get sneaky on this one, because he wouldn't listen to reason at all and I told him I can stay awake for ages. I think maybe if I 'go to sleep' in my warren I can still keep an eye (tendril) on things and Julian will be none the wiser. What he doesn't know won't hurt him, right? And he only ordered me to go to sleep that one day, right? So I'm not breaking any orders or rules or anything, right? Right. Reckon if I catch one night's sleep in seven, I can cope and it'll cut down the odds of Fiona catching me unawares.
Well, here's a thing, one night while I'm watching things, this huge, massive, scary black thing came crashing into the forest. I told Julian and he sent Krysalis and Didilus up to the castle to tell brother, then the loon wanted to go out and take a look at the thing. I told him I could show it to him through the tendril, but he just said my way wasn't his and went galloping off to get up close and personal. I seem to recollect calling him a fucking lunatic actually, which possibly wasn't smart, but I was concerned, you know? He's lost enough limbs as it is. Anyway, I was watching him while he attacked it and the nutter even jumped over it at one point.
He got away with it (just), and I tracked the thing as it poodled off into shadow again. It was horrible, worse than the manticor mind. It messed about with people and laughed while it killed them. Blerg. I chucked.
Now there's some kinda plan to get rid of the teleporting Bem which involves dumping it in the Abyss. I had to go and ask Asteroth if that was okay and if The Courts would co-operate. Mandor said that they'd already had a visit from it and Asteroth did his usual thing of making me feel like I was about to be shot while I explained the plan to him. He gave me a whole bunch of suggestions to give to Obe, mostly to do with getting family members in the Abyss too. It's not really the sort of thing to ask a diplomat to pass along, but I didn't think to say that at the time and I'd have probably been too scared to disagree anyway. I can't actually put my finger on what it is about him that makes me so edgy ... maybe it's just his basic Grombleness?
Well, I don't see how I'm going to be involved in the dumping proceedure, so it looks as though that particular bit of unpleasantness is pretty much over. It's a joint venture between The Courts and Amber, so I reckon they can handle it alright. Who knows, might even improve relations a bit?
So, life in the forest continues. Didilus is even walking around some now, though it's kinda hard to keep track of how old he is exactly, since he's been on the other side of things more than me recently. Hope I don't miss any birthdays. It's sure gonna be tricky when he learns to use those wings ... maybe I should get a lead for that collar? (grin)
Dunno how long the boss is going to be in Chaos this time. I guess I shouldn't get my hopes up or anything, he's busy and stuff and teaching me stuff is kinda like paying me for stuff I can't do right now, which isn't fair at all, so I should just stop being such a wuss and manage on my own for a bit. Maybe if I experiment a little I can do some stuff by myself and surprise him? That'd be pretty grody ... I got a few interesting ideas. It all depends how many life functions I can replicate independantly - I'll see what I can come up with.
PS:
Had a chat with Nod - smart? Maybe. Maybe not. Hrmm.
Did a little trade of information, sort of. I can't help but think that Nod gets more out of these than I do, but then, since he's watching me just about all the time I guessed there was a limit to how much poo I could get myself into. Maybe.
Nod reiterated that his primary function was gathering information - not just on me, but on all the Amberites as well. Brother sends him away straight off and so does Fiona pretty much. He says Bleys isn't around enough and moves too fast anyway. Caine pretends not to notice him, Random 'apparently' doesn't notice him. He says he hasn't bothered Benny - very wise. When I mentioned the little trees, Nod suggested trashing one and replacing it with a silver rose. I said Benny wasn't that stupid and I didn't approve anyway. I like Benny, he should know that already. Leave him alone.
Nod asked me where my loyalties lay - an Asteroth question, obviously. I decided to answer and answer honestly, because I'd rather he didn't find out the hard way, you know? (the hard way for me, that is) Told Nod that basically I answer to Mandor, pretty much full stop (given half a chance). As long as Asteroth doesn't want me to off my folks or hurt them (or cross Mandor, but I neglected to mention that - it was implied), I'll follow his orders faithfully. I had to state (again) that politically and from a taking orders point of view, I do not follow my brother - how many times do I have to say it?! You'd have thought by now that just about everybody would know where I stood, particularly someone that's been watching me so close. Mind you, I've been surprised every now and then by people's lack of observation - witness Ericol's blunder. Hah! I wouldn't have spent so much time thinking about it if I was going to change with the wind - as long as Asteroth has Mandor's compliance, he has mine. 'Squite simple really, but I'm not sure how it goes down with the powers that be. Find out soon enough, I suppose.
I asked Nod about his friends, an undefined number. Trying to persuade him to bring two or three along for a drink sometime, I'd like to meet more daemons and maybe find out a little more about them. Nod says it might tick Obe off, but it's not like an invasion force or anything and I was gonna keep an eye on them. We'll see. Perhaps I'll ask first ... it's not like we haven't already had the daemon King here. Hmm, I'll ask anyway. Hello wisdom, don't see you around here often.
I've given up on Nod being visible every time he's around me. I've asked him to leave me be when I'm alone with Krysalis and I think he might ... I hope he does. I'm not asking for much, am I? Just a little privacy, guys, please. Mandor'll pick it all up in my head anyway, so it's not like I can do anything radical and get away with it, is it? I'm just a diplomat, criminy, what does Asteroth think I'm gonna do?
(Player comment - is Ickus capable of writing this down? If not, take it as mental notation only, which Mandor will see sooner or later anyway)
Confirmation of my earlier suspicions. I kept an eye on Nod when he left and he knew that I was. I tried to make psy contact to ask him something but couldn't get through. I pushed it a bit and ended up in this really weird contact with Asteroth, which was just a tad unnerving. He said he was surprised to see me (I was sure as heck surprised) and asked what I was doing there. Eep! I said I was just curious about daemon psyche (true enough) and babbled a bit before making my excuses and leaving. He let me go. I'll consider myself lucky if I don't get a reprimand of one sort or another for this one ... maybe I should change my motto to "whoops"?
Just to add joy to my day, Ericol came to apologise for his earlier attitude. He said he was expecting people to be ragging him about Roody and wasn't expecting to get the same old me. 'Course I did rag him about Roody, but only after he's started on me, Mandor and Krysalis. Serves him right.
He was in a fairly chatty mood and I was trying hard as anything not to give anything away at all, while at the same time get as much out of him as possible - which isn't easy, you know? He was talking about his kids and that whole mess with Dara and I told him I wasn't best pleased with the way he'd handled that. Turns out the only reason Dara mindraped him at all was because he wouldn't answer her questions. Pillock.
Ericol started talking about Chaos and Amber and how he's decided to unite the two factions. I couldn't help but laugh a little, if I was touchier I would have taken it as a downright insult, since that's what I've been trying to do for ages now and the way he was talking you'd think he expected to get it done before dinner. I figured it was just a case of Ericol not thinking through what he was saying. He said he wanted to get the Kings and all the heads of the Chaos Houses and all the elders of Amber into a Shadow where nothing worked, power-wise so that they could sit down and talk. I started out telling him that if none of the powers worked getting in and out could be difficult and I also pointed out that even if you could persuade both sides to do that you'd run the risk of assasination attempts from both sides. I likened it to having a cigarette in a room full of loose gunpowder and he said that was alright because he doesn't smoke ... I think he was joking.
I told Ericol that he knew practically zip about Chaos and didn't really get along with anybody there, so how could he hope to unite the factions? I think he sorta got the point, because he said he'd ask Jaz to show him around a little before he asks my brother about any of this. Hmm, should be interesting to watch.
While he was still rattling on about his kids I took the opportunity to see how he'd be about Roody's baby. I think he might be okay about it, if he practices what he preaches that is. On the other hand all that talk about respecting his mate etc, etc, could have been a bunch of stuff. I didn't bother telling him about the baby - leave that to Roody, that'd be right.
He quizzed me on Mandor, but didn't get very far. Asked me all sorts of stuff about why I wanted to be like Mandor, so I just grinned everytime he asked me things and left him to leap to his own conclusions (seemed safest). I asked him if he admired anyone and he said no, not even Benny. Took a while, but eventually I got the fact that he thinks Benny's a manipulator out of him. Can't say I've noticed personally, but then I consider malipulation a bit of an art form, even if it is damn irritating when your on the recieving end. Has Ericol got any respect for anybody? He says he wants it from other people but if you don't dish it out you don't get it back, right?
The only bit of the conversation that didn't go well was the last bit. He was asking what I did in the forest and I've been trying to make the best of it and all and told him about all the fun stuff you can do. He didn't want to play in the mud or throw rocks or anything and I asked him if he ever played anything and he said he didn't, but I said he'd played at bowling just fine that night at the pub. I said I'd been using one of Mandor's pinballs and he didn't seem to know what I meant so I showed him one of the ones I've got. He seemed real surprised and asked if Mandor let me have them and I told him it was just one of mine, but Mandor sometimes let me have one to hold while I'm sleeping. Well then Ericol just fell about laughing and he wouldn't tell me why. He asked me if I had a blanket and of course I said yes because you need something to curl up in at the end of the day and it keeps the bugs out of your ears. Then he asked me if I have a teddy bear and I knew just fine he was taking the piss by then but I still wasn't exactly sure why. He kept asking if I always slept next to Mandor's balls and then cracked up.
I couldn't decide if he was taking the piss out of me, Mandor or both of us. I got pretty pissed off with him and I would have smacked him one only I'm kinda scared to hit people now in case I moosh them by accident - otherwise I'd have knocked him flat, bastard. Bastard, bastard, bastard. I'm stuck in this smegging forest full of these gitty trees with that bastard Ericol taking the piss outta me and probably getting me into trouble with my boss in some way or another. I mean, I gotta spend my whole life and then some here, you know? Sure I'm getting time off and stuff, but it's like being in some kinda open air prison right under my brother's nose with visiting piss-takers and I can't go home and I hate it, I hate it, I hate it! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
Gee, I'm taking it well though, ain't I? Told you I was no good at being shut up, no matter how benign the warden might be. Let's hope I'm in a slightly better mood in the morning or I'm just gonna dig myself in deeper, I know it. Thanks for bringing me on a major downer Ericol. Bastard.
Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts ...