THE BROWN STUFF HITS THE WHIRLY THING

Well, what can I say? I was in the middle of my rather relevant conversation with Alan when there was this godawful bright flash that nearly blinded the pair of us!

When my vision cleared I saw Griffon, as per the future, "disguised" as a guard with the Jewel round his stupid neck. Cloth-head. When he saw Alan he said "You!" and went for his sword. Bloody hell, what a mess. He also said, "Quick! Dad! We have to save Anna!" I knew these kids were gonna be trouble, but you'd have thought they'd have the decency to wait until they were grown up ...

He tried physically dragging me down the corridor without a word of explanation, but I managed to get him to wait long enough for me to get a guard to keep an eye on Alan and the baby while we were gone. I also got him to hide the jewel under his clothes.

It seems that Anna was heading towards trouble in the Grove, so we grabbed a couple of horses and hammered on down there to stop her. He told me that something that looked (and in some way was but was not) Cain, was going to attack her there. I'm not sure, but I think perhaps that might be something to do with Osric. We managed to intercept her and I sent her back to the castle while I took Griff down to my ship to try and straighten things out.

It appears that our interference in the future (the new multiverse I managed to spark off) had caused the Unicorn to go and get her kin in this time line as well - hence all the stars. He said that they were going to turn up in two days time and that they would attack the Serpent. Hmm ... tempting, but probably not entirely wise.

Griff seems like a nice boy, though a little too much like me for his own good. I hope I get the opportunity to be nicer to him than I have been so far. Things have been a bit pressing, but it would be nice to be something approaching friends before he leaves. Right now he must think I'm a right dictator. Sit there! Do this! Do that! Shut up! *sigh*

I called Grandfather and gave him the lowdown on events, since it seemed that things would not keep until he arrived as planned. He told me he would call me back in 24 hours (now I know where Benedict got it from).

Marcus appeared rather suddenly in my cabin (after I had put the cards away, thankfully) and I knocked him out with the flat of my blade before he could say, see or do anything. I was pretty pissed off with him for intruding in such a manner. It's not as if it was anything that really warranted such actions and my cabin is the one place I expect total privacy. Interesting that I was able to flatten him so easily though. He's not as close to me as I had feared.

Dumping Marcus on the dock, I went back to the castle with Griffon, who was now to be called Spook (I had to come up with a name quick and the ship's cat walked past). The cover story being that he was a clone that Tangent had created prior to Dark. I released Alan, asking him to keep the news of Griff quiet. I'll give him time to think it over, but I'm really not too sure about that young man any longer. That wants watching.

Calling up Dark and the kids I informed them of the situation with Griff and confiscated his version of Cold Steel, the Jewel and the box he travelled with. The sooner he goes home the better, from a safety point of view. I want to be sure that he gets there in one piece though, and doesn't inadvertently take half of Amber with him.

All was well and fairly quiet until Angelic turned up and informed me that Flora had abducted her baby! Sheesh, I think Flora's flipped. Anyway, I wasn't having that, my goodness it could have been my children if she'd ever had the opportunity. It just isn't right.

I went back to my ship and called Flora, who was blocking normal Trump contact. She was surprised and rather unhappy to see me <grin>. With a combination of persuasion and threats, I managed to get her to bring the baby back. She was insisting that Angelic was no fit mother and used that as an excuse for her actions. It cannot be the whole truth, surely? I mean, that's just pathetic. It's not as if she gave Angelic the chance. I admit that Angelic isn't what I would instantly deem the perfect mother, but hey, I'm pretty sure I'm not the perfect father.

Flora wisely turned up at the appointed place and time with the baby and I returned it to Angelic, making her promise as a return favour that she would look after it properly. Flora will kill me if she doesn't.

Keeping up the current trend of interfering in relatives private lives, Flora went storming off to Random and started a ding-dong that I could hear all the way to my room. Shortly afterwards, Random called me and told me to arrest her, since Marcus was currently off duty. Typical.

I took a few guards and went to Flora's room. She wasn't there, but a note from Illya was, detailing the incarceration of Martin and his lover and expressing sentiments that this was not something Random should be allowed to do. I think Illya's lost her mind as well. What with her, Flora, Lorenzo and Marcus all seemingly hell-bent on playing the Jewish mother, I'm beginning to wonder if They haven't decided to get in an early start on splitting us all up.

I didn't have much option but to give the letter to Random, particularly since I seemed to have become Captain again, albeit temporarily. He then ordered me to arrest Illya, but since Marcus had then turned up he got that job and I got Flora.

Flora was once again blocking Trump, and rather than draw too much attention to myself I walked the Pattern to reach her. I assumed she had left the castle, but as father pointed out later, I ought to have checked via other means. The Pattern took me to Eric's room (eek!) where Flora and Eric were presumably in conference. I had Steel drawn in expectation of Flora firing off magic at me, but Eric had his Pattern blade at my throat the instant I arrived (double eek!). He was understandably pissed with me (I don't like people arriving that unexpectedly either) and made it quite clear that arrest was going to made "difficult".

Flora was unmoved by my suggestion that going on the run was a bad idea. I made my position on the matter quite clear - he's the King for goodness sake. Both Eric and Flora started making 'he'll be sorry when we have our coup sorted' type noises and I called for the guard, who couldn't get in because the door was locked. I asked Eric for the key, not because I expected him to give it to me, but because I was playing for time and quite frankly I was rather surprised that I was still standing. Eric mind-blasted me at that point and that was the last I knew of it till the guards broke in and woke me up. I had a terrible headache.

Random was pissed that I'd let them get away (but not surprised, I hope - it was a bit 'mission impossible'). He docked my wages and sent me to bed, which is very nearly funny.

I thought perhaps things would be quieter today, but Random and Vialle apparently had a falling out and Benedict was ordered to escort Vialle out somewhere.

I called dad and asked him to come home, since things were looking decidedly grotty and I figured we needed someone about for Random to lean on. Besides, what with the Unicorn thing looming, I'd rather have him where I can see him for a while. I filled him in on recent events and apart from the fuck up with Flora, it appears I did the right things generally. (Oooh yes, before I forget - check Steel and it's Trump ... they might have done something to it)

Now I'm waiting for Grandfather to get back to me and I'm rather expecting him to put in an appearance at this stage, which ought to be interesting at the very least. I can't see Random taking it too well, which is a pity because it's gonna put him on his guard against me. Still, I don't see that I've had much choice in all this. I've spent most of my time trying to do things right and following orders from a variety of people I really don't want to disappoint (any more than I already have).

Quite what I'm going to say to Random, I don't know (how much am I at liberty to tell him? Who pulls the most rank?!). Unless Grandfather's going to be sticking around for a considerable length of time, I suppose I'd do better to expect the worst and prepare myself for another stretch in the cells. (player comment, post phone call - this could be an unnervingly prophetic statement) Mind you, dad's just as guilty as I am on this particular front ... he wouldn't chuck both of us off the fleet and in the cells - that'd be barmy.

Hmm ... it's wait and see time again. Life was much less complicated when I only had one person to answer to. Still, at least I know, more or less, what's going on. It's better than blundering around in the dark. We need his help and dad's with him ...

Mental Stuff

Grandfather called me and asked to be pulled through straight away. I was telling him the family situation and when I tried to explain my actions as per Flora and Angelic's baby he commented that I was developing a sense of justice and how I ought to be careful that I didn't turn into Phoenix. I'm not sure if he was disapproving, or being sarcastic or pleased, or what. I don't know what he wants from me ... if I did know, would I want to be that way? Would what I want come into it?

Dark Trumped me to tell me that at lunch, Uncle Random had come down to find Finndo's dagger in the table at his seat - everyone's decided to act the fool, it seems. Including me, apparently.

Grandfather was starting to look more and more pissed, which is never a good thing to witness. He told me to call G‚rard through, which I did. Then me and dad got to follow him up to Amber. The rain kept well away from us, which is interesting.

I was wondering all the way up just how everyone was gonna take Oberon's sudden return and wasn't particularly overjoyed to be in tow with him. Kinda made it clear where I stood, know what I mean? To be honest, I really should have thought the whole thing through a lot more carefully than I did. I knew Grandfather was going to want the Kingship and I knew Random was going to be pissed, but I somehow managed not to add those two things together - I'm a traitor, this is a coup. Who would have thought it? Father and I in a coup ... weird and scary shit.

Mind you, I doubt if it would have changed anything if I had - though I might have got my family out into Shadow first. I go where Gerard goes on these things. That much everyone ought to know by now. I'm in more shit than you can shake a stick at ... bollocks.

I checked Grandfather's Trump - I would have looked a right prat if he'd been a weedy Chaos shapeshifter and he called me remember? He grabbed me by the throat looking really pissed and said "PROBLEM?!" ... just checking, man, just checking. Dad's as scared as I've ever seen him ... he hides it better than me, but yes, he's scared.

I'm terrified.

(Fraser's done it again! Fraser, Fraser, Fraser!)

WITHOUT A CLUE

Hmm ... I have a very bad feeling about where we're going - wherever that may be.

Things went slightly better than I had dared hope for. It's still bad ... I've been very bad; axiomatic, I suppose. Into the great hall we breezed, Random blew up at Grandfather. I can understand why Random was so pissed, but whatever, it didn't help his situation any.

They started fighting over the Jewel of Judgement. Lorenzo looked as though he might be pitching in on Random's side - brave or stupid or just loyal, I can't tell anymore. I pitched about nine of my wolves at Random to distract him (not to mention getting him down and out before Grandfather really lost his temper). Random went down cursing me and dad as traitors. I was ordered to take him down to the cells, but I lost concentration slightly and made eye contact. Poof. Out like a light. I should get mirrored contact lenses.

Dark woke me up a short time later. Random's down in the cells, probably cursing me up and down even as I write. Oberon was on the throne looking slightly less pissed than before.

All the seating at meal times has been messed about and I have to keep checking to see how far down the table I've been put. SO far it's been the same every time, but I've heard about the changeability of these things. Everyone's still jumpy, getting used to the new order of things. I don't like being so far up the table, makes me feel more insecure than if I'd been put down at the bottom. It doesn't feel like my place, does that make sense? *sigh* I guess not.

We all had to swear fealty to Oberon in the morning. Well, all us youngsters anyway, (including Kurn, another son of Oberon) Gerard and Bleys. A notable abstention was Benedict, who isn't in the best of moods, though I'm not entirely sure what the main cause for that is ... or maybe it's the collection of things. Who knows. He accepted the hospitality of my ship without complaint, so ... I dunno. I don't know anything anymore.

The onset of the Unicorn's kin was upon us. The sky went almost pure white. Grandfather got a small group of us together, Dad, me, Griff the older, Anna and surprisingly enough, Lorenzo - was that a test? I wonder if he passed? We all stood in a line and waited. Grandfather had his hand on Griffon's head and it looked as though he was using him and JoJ mrk2 to boost his power. Anna was left to stop the thirty odd unicorns that stampeded out of the sky towards us.

For a minute there I didn't think they were gonna stop. Fortunately for all concerned, they did. Between Oberon and Anna they were made to understand something of the situation. I gather they're on standby, sorta. Oh well, that's one problem out of the way for the time being.

It's such a weird situation to be in. I haven't got used to it and since Grandfather's already stated that he intends to bod off back home once the crisis is over, I'd better not get used to it. I suppose, if we get out of this Shining Ones thing, I'd better make arrangements to leg it before Random gets hold of me or my family. I'd like to talk to Random about all this actually, but I don't suppose he'd listen.

Oh well, what happened next? Lemme see ...

Hmm, Angelic has featured quite largely in my life lately - dizzy cow. The first of it was when I got called away from dinner to the infirmary. It appears that Angelic had taken her son (he's five) on a Hellride. During a toilet stop she'd wiped his bum with stinging nettles - yow! The kid's nice enough, got an imaginary friend called Clint. Angelic got real pouty when I gave Gill-Rowdy (what a name) a piggy back down to the hall. I don't know what her problem is. She drags the poor kid everywhere with her (fairly understandable after Flora I guess) but then she moans and gripes about him the whole time and gets sulky when other people are nice to him. I believe I may owe Flora an apology ...

Next time I got annoyed with her (via Trump) she was on another Hellride with the kid. He'd made a bit of a mess of himself and I told her to pass him through. When I queried her judgement on this, she said, "he's got to learn". That was when I blasted her mind. Dad said I wasn't being very nice and he had a point. I shouldn't have done that, anything could have happened to her out there. As it was, she lost my Trump - I'll have to go out and get it as soon as I have the time. The sooner the better actually.

It seems she wanted to go to this military place for training. She had 'misinterpreted' my "off you go" at the end of a Trump call to mean that she should go Hellriding again. She has a very selective intelligence on these matters, interpreting and twisting things to suit her will. I was very angry and managed to persuade dad to talk to her as she obviously wasn't listening to me. Dad has a way with words (grin) and a slightly battered Angelic left more sensibly with two of my wolves in tow.

It wasn't long before she Trumped me again to tell me that (surprise, surprise) she wasn't able to go through the training with her kid available. I tried not to look so pleased when she passed Rowdy through. I feel so sorry for the little blighter.

Right now, he's on board ship with me. A little seasick, a bit sharkshy, but otherwise he's okay. I have to watch myself on this one for several reasons. I can't afford to fuck up because Angelic will leap upon any mistakes I make. I must make sure I don't put upon Dark and I must keep up my end of the bargain with Griff. Also, I must make sure I don't get too attached. It's only ten days, then he has to go back to the mother from hell. Keeping my word to Flora is going to be very trying, but even if I hadn't given it, I can't stand by and watch her yank a five year old about like that.

NOTE: Give the kid some marbles and smuggle Surprise in there with them with specific instructions. (Evil grin)

I've gone very soft. *sigh*. Very soft indeed. I'll have to watch that.

Hmm. This thing with Phoenix. Interesting stuff, I just hope he doesn't get all White Knightish on us despite my warnings. He's softer than I am by about a million miles, or so it seems. I wonder if he can find out who's chucking logrus daggers at me? Edgy doesn't begin to describe it. It could be anyone, let's face it. I'm not exactly Mr. Popular over there. Be careful, Phoenix, you silly fool. Don't let Cloud City be right. Still, Grandfather knows ... that's something, - I guess.

Lorenzo managed to get his spiky things from the Abyss. Great. Now what do we do with them? I can't quite believe it's going to be as easy as impaling Them. All the evidence shows that we weren't even aware they were there for the first while. They came, they fucked with our emotions and relationships, they waved bye bye to us. Too late, we didn't know until far too late. This time perhaps we will. Maybe this time we can get it right.

I'm so confused. It's not that I don't know what's going on so much, it's just that I don't know where it all leads. Even in the quiet times, there's an undercurrent of fear that won't leave me. It's like an aftertaste that you can't quite get rid of, no matter what you eat or drink. I'm afraid of Grandfather, the Courts and whatever secrets they hold, the unseen string-pullers that doubtless shift and plot in the shadows. I'm afraid for people, my family mostly. It would be so nice just to curl up in a safe place and sleep till it's over, but I can't. Responsibility, hmmm. It's good to have some control over my destiny, but it's a pain in the arse at the same time. There's no-one to really talk to anymore. Dad's aware of it all already, I expect he has his own worries and there's Rosemary to think on for him. Dark has too much on her plate as it is, she doesn't need my problems too. Get a grip, get on with it. There's nothing else to do.

Control? Hehehehehehehe ...Perhaps I delude myself on that front. There's so much happening and maybe I am not aware of the half of it. When does the next dagger arrive? How long till another relative escapes, plots, or dies? How many guns are out there and who are they pointing at?

Hmm, Kurn Trumped me today and started asking about those Trumps that we both possess. For who he is he seems remarkably ill informed. Maybe Grandfather wants it that way, or maybe Kurn is supposed to find out via his own initiative? It left me walking a tightrope on how much or how little I should give away.

I told him the basics about the things, nothing too specific and he seems unaware of the different types of connections that can be achieved. Hmm. I'll leave it at that for the moment. A little experimentation ought to tell him anything else he needs to know anyway. Most of what I told him was defensive, which seems a safe enough bet.

He asked after the relatives and I gifted him with my own personal opinion on them (smile). He'll hear something different from everyone and I told him as much. He seems vaguely too optimistic about the chances of co-operation. It's something that needs to be tried, I agree, but whether we can actually achieve family unity is to be doubted.

As he left he said "Thank you, nephew." which had me in fits for a while. He's learned the art of Amber double-speak real quick, so I guess he'll do okay for himself. I gave him a letter for Grandfather, as he's not the easiest person to talk to these days - not at any length anyway. See how it goes, if I get chewed out over the evening meal (or slung down the other end of the table) it'll be as clear an answer as any.

TAKE ME OUT OF THE PARADOX CITY ...

You know, there's definitely more to life than meets the eye. No matter how wild my speculations get, somehow it continues to throw up little surprises that keep me from boredom. Actually, the way it's going I may never be bored again.

I was playing with the Trump of the future Dark, seeing what sort of connection times I could get. When I got a mere half-hour connection it seemed to good an opportunity to pass up on, so I went for it. When I got through I was connected to a version of Dark later in the same day. Makes it kinda tricky to figure out how these things work out the time factor.

Well, apart from being a little surprised to see me, she had one or two interesting tit-bits to pass along. Firstly, it would appear that every time I have used this Trump I have created some kinda paradox. At the evening meal tonight, by all accounts, another Griffon will arrive (with JoJmrk3). They seem to be centred in on me, like walking the pattern and specifying two feet in front or summat. I gather that after this Griff arrives, at least one more ought to be prepared for. Joy.

The tricky bit is trying to decide what to do with them and their gadgets. Do I confiscate Steel and JoJ, or neither? Having so many spares about is a huge temptation to leave in the faces of my relatives. What if someone decides that with so many, one won't be missed? I suppose the best thing will be to make sure that they never split up. At least that way they can keep an eye on each other. Fate forbid that Osric should ever find out about this ... maybe I should leave the spares with Grandfather? If he wanted them for himself he could take them anyway, so maybe that's best? Hmm.

Another piece of info that Dark gave me was that two of Phoenix's kids seem to have been abducted. It's probably about time I went on a Hellride ... I have to pick up my Trump, talk to Ygg about a couple of things and while I'm out there maybe I can chase up some more info on the missing kids. I'll have to try and talk to Phoenix again first, just to make sure this isn't part of his great 'plan'. Provided something doesn't sidetrack me wildly first, of course ... anything's possible.

HERE THEY COME, READY OR NOT

I think I'm depressed ... it's hard to tell though. In Averick, there were these empty clay jugs that they hung on lines across the fields to scare off the birds after planting. When the wind blew, you could hear this mournful hooting and wailing for miles. I feel kinda like that.

Right now, I'm sitting next to a safe full of Phoenix's blood at the tree of Ygg. The others here are Benedict; Eric; Dad; Dark; Jasmine; Anna; baby Griff and a small armed force. We're really in the shit. They are here.

I went on that Hellride I mentioned. I couldn't get a lock on the Trump, so I went to the orphanage and got Emerald to pick up the scent of the two missing kids. I started out, intending to get a fix on their position before considering a Trump to Phoenix, as I didn't want to blow his cover. It looked to take a day or two, so I decided to stop off at the tree and spend the night there. The second Griffon arrived while I was there. I passed the JoJ through to Oberon. I knew there was a chance that wasn't safe. I took a risk. I was wrong.

Following the trail to the kids, I found that Lorenzo, Illya, Kurn and the deamon-formed Phoenix were there also. They were waiting for Illya to take down a logrus lock on the Shadow. I informed Phoenix of the situation and he was evidently surprised. Not his plan, then.

We went in. It was, apparently, the Shadow of some gimboid from the Late House Phoenix. He is the son of Mandor the deceiver. There was a castle. We went in and split into two groups. Illya, Lorenzo and Kurn went to find the gimboid. Phoenix, Griffon and I went to get the children under the cover of whatever distraction the other team might create.

We managed to find Mathew fairly easily. After that we found a room with Llewella, Cain and Dara chained up. On the offchance that they were who they appeared to be and had nothing to do with the End Game, I cut them down and set the others off for home while I tried to find the last kid.

Emerald found Alice in a grave outside. I collected the body and headed back to the others. Marcus was there and used something to get us out. He didn't seem to know how he did it himself. Maybe that Marcus was one of *Them?*

We went back to Amber. Lorenzo was hassling me about Trumping Gerard to get him to look over the three elders. I asked him to wait while I checked out their story. He agreed then went ahead and Trumped Gerard anyway. Idiot. I knew dad had Rowdy at the time and once I'd made sure they were not connected in any serious way with the End Game, I was relatively happy to put aside personal feelings and see to them myself. Lorenzo, despite all his protestations, does not trust me. I'm not particularly surprised, I just wish he'd stop saying that he does and using that as an excuse to hassle me about information. Fuck it. It doesn't matter anymore.

Angelic Trumped me with some bullshit or other. Silly cow had fucked up at the training centre somehow. She's an awful liar. I took my Trump back and hoped to delay returning the poor child as long as possible. Gerard took him back to her though. I couldn't believe she was whinging about me removing her only Trump.

That all seems like so long ago now. A million years or so. Oberon got some of us together and we went out to the tree. On our return we learnt that Random had been killed by the clone of Cain. The clone I have known about since Griff the elder arrived. The clone I should have done something about. Everyone started umming and ahhing over who should tell Vialle. I ended up doing it. It was the least I could do.

Shortly afterwards, everything went wrong. We had already been told that the Shining Ones had not so much arrived, as never left. Dad went nuts and was threatening to tear the Clone into itty bitty pieces. Dark Trumped me to tell me that the two elder Griffons had gone nuts and attacked the baby.

I found out that Oberon was in fact a Shining One. The real Oberon being dead by this time. I've spent the past few weeks giving Them all the information I have. Forget what I said at the start of the diary ... I'm definitely depressed.

Bastards. I pinned all my hopes and most of my trust on Oberon. What I have left is worse than nothing. It appears that at this time, all the others are in the death star in the Abyss. Either that or they're all dead and TSO's are having a nice laugh at me. I've been talking to the dead again via the back of my Pattern Trumps. Maybe I've even managed to come up with enough to counteract the damage I did earlier. Lorenzo is supposed to be coming up with some kinda weapon we can use against them.

I can't say I'm terribly optimistic about our chances right now. I think I might be dead quite soon. Either way, I intend to try and take as many of the shitbags with me as I can. Might make things easier down the line for the other Ambers, you never know.

If by some miracle we win the day ... I'm not sure what I'm going to do with myself. Maybe I'll go to Grandfather's house and straighten things up. Maybe I can bring him back - I'd like to. It would be advantageous on so many fronts. Give me something to do while I'm guilt-tripping about my fairly major part in this ghastly affair. Lorenzo will not teach me Advanced Pattern unless I give him the Pattern Trumps of him and Cassandra (he lied earlier, what a surprise). He covets anything of power, I do not trust him and the price is too high. These Trumps were given by Grandfather when he was alive and I will not use them as a unit of currency.

I must find the extra JoJ, if there is one. Is my son dead, or was he never here at all? I don't know. But if there is more than one JoJ I must get the spare and hide it well. That's another good reason to go to the island. If we survive these Shining Ones, I think I want to go there and be alone for a goodly long while. There's a limit to how much damage I can do in one place anyway.

I'm tired ... they will come for us soon enough.

Later.

OI! SHINING ONES! NO!

I'm alive. I'm mildly surprised to be so.

The battle of Ygg went in our favour. Lorenzo and the others (mostly Dworkin, I think) came up with four aces for our metaphysical sleeves. For fear of Them, I will not elaborate too greatly. They sent many troops against us, but with Benedict's guidance, not to mention his weapons, we stood well against the first wave, which was poor. There were later some flying dudes with weapons that bit through invulnerability and did a great deal of damage to Steel. I took a shot through the shoulder from those, but it missed bone and wasn't my sword arm. The tanks and guns weren't too much trouble. The Ogre (a sort of city-sized tank with more guns than you can shake a stick at) was a considerable problem.

The death star of Dworkin's proved useless against it and it had to be evacuated. With the Ogre getting ever nearer, things started to look a bit desperate. At one point, it got so close I was afraid we would have to retreat and give up the Tree for lost. Apparently Benedict and Mandor boarded the thing, but Mandor betrayed us (surprise, surprise). I think Lorenzo, Dara, Bleys and possibly Cain ended up boarding it. As far as I'm aware everybody but Mandor did their bit.

I tried messing up the tracks of the Ogre (it was dreadfully close to the tree) and got my arm shot up, losing a section of bone in the process. Was I unduly careless? I'm not sure ... the situation had an air of California or bust about it. I had already resigned myself to death and I am lucky I did not get it. Feeling guilty as hell is no excuse for committing suicide by proxy - my family deserve better than that.

Anna tried to contact the Unicorn to stop it from attacking the Serpent. She disappeared when she tried it. I was very tired at this point, in more ways than one. I can see how Angelic thought my reaction uncaring, but I didn't appreciate her comments. I blasted her.

I strapped up the arm and shot myself full of morphine so that I could Hellride to Anna. I was afraid the other SO would get her, or already had. I found some meringue flavoured adrenaline tablets. Cool.

On the way, I got a present from Tangent. I shall assume it was from him since it seemed to be disadvantageous to TSO's in the extreme. It's a 38 revolver, six bullets, not visible via Pattern lens. As it happens, Anna and the Unicorns sped past me shortly afterwards. I could not follow, I was too tired and beat up. She seemed safe-ish (relatively you understand), so I returned to the Tree.

There were plans being made to split everyone into three groups. One in Chaos to get Mandor, one to guard the Tree and one to sort out Amber. I was willing enough to embark on the Mandor thing, but it was overbooked (grin) and besides, even with my arm fixed up in the death star (fixed good and proper, I'm impressed) I wanted to stay with my family if possible. I returned to Amber.

Mandor was killed and Dara Trumped me and passed through his head (complete with spike). I can bring myself to be pleasant to her at this stage ... I *know* she wasn't responsible for what went down, but you know how it is. The brain says one thing the heart another. I don't trust many people at all these days.

Illya became Queen of Chaos. I hope she is content with that, it'll keep Chaos off our backs if there isn't a megalomaniac at the helm. Interestingly enough, she spotted the other one of Them in the Courts. We arranged an assassination, which gave me the chance to try out the gun. It worked rather well. I am pleased about that. Five bullets left, it would be nice if we could replicate it, but I'm not wildly hopeful. I'll see what can be done.

The Unicorns were stopped and turned around. The Klatu words are starting to wear off quicker ... oh well.

There was a meeting called by Benedict to decide on the new King. It was somewhat of an honour to be included, since there were quite a few absentees. Dark was invited too and that pleased me. We held a secret ballot to decide. Lorenzo was rather crawlingly obvious in his choice. He also stated that it was obvious Dark and I had voted for Eric. Hehehehehehehe ... Even after all he learned from my mind and the business with 'Oberon', he still doesn't seem to know me very well. I was surprised at that. Eric would have been my choice, despite his personality. At least he is honest and leaves you in no doubt where you stand. Corwin will have to do though, and since both Benedict and dad back him, he is probably the better choice. I trust their judgement over mine any day. I have sworn fealty to Corwin ... that may have been a mistake given my intentions. I wonder if that breaks the oath? Not technically, I don't think. Hmm.

Dad had his stag night ... I am uninjured, so I guess I'm forgiven (grin). He got married, I made a complete pigs ear of my speech and forgot the Toast and he is now on his honeymoon. The old bear deserves this, I wish him well with it.

Dark walked the Pattern. She seems okay. I am still worried, but time will tell.

With father's blessing I went to Grandfather's house. He was nailed to his dining table. All the servants had been slain also. I really don't feel too good about myself right now. I'm doing a lot of things that I feel to be wrong, but required. I hope I'm not making a mistake.

Dark has taken Oberon's body and will fix it up and freeze it for me. Anna has made me two Trumps of the study, one works, one's weird. There were letters for everybody under Grandfather's corpse. I looked at them all and then resealed them. They contained major and minor Arcarna. There is also a box with pattern powered images of the figures in Tarot. I don't understand what their purpose is, or how they are powered exactly. Interesting, but I'm not sure how useful. Best left well alone for now, like so much in this place.

I feel somewhat voyeurish here *sigh*. I cleaned up and buried the servants in the garden. I kept descriptions and numbers of them so that Grandfather knows who is where if he comes back. I pinned that up on a board which I suspect will be filled with my notes before my plan is done.

I had a very interesting discussion with Marcus and argued a case for Oberon's resurrection. I think I succeeded and I believe he will aid me. I certainly *hope* so anyway. I cannot do this alone and I need a JoJ tunee to get away with it at all. Marcus has a Spikard (must read up on them, I think) and could be a useful ally in this endeavour.

I intend to read up on the Pattern and become advanced as Lorenzo is. With the books here and the memories I gained from Lorenzo, I think I can do it unaided. I must be careful what I do with it though. Tutorless, with only another's memories for guidance, I may be open to serious errors. I need Oberon. I am not a fit candidate for all the power there is here and it should not be left unguarded. Lorenzo knows where this place is and I for one would sleep uneasy were he to get his hands on all this. As it is, the temptation to assist my daughter's efforts is considerable, but is not a lending library. I must be careful.

Right now I feel like shit. I miss Random. Vialle's suicide upset me greatly and since I may have been able to prevent Random's death I feel even crappier than I would have anyway. They say on Shadow earth that the road to hell is paved with good intentions and I think I'm coming to know the full meaning of that now. I hope my current plans are not another step on that road. I wish I could talk this through with Dark, but she is rather exasperated with my self-doubts, so I'll just have to live with it. It seems sometimes that everything I do goes bad, every call is in error. Even when I "checked" that Oberon was Oberon on the way to commit treason I chose the wrong method.

If I can raise him I may well just lie very low for as long as I can Amberwise. Stick with my fleet duties and stay well away from the usual banter. I'm a danger to everyone around me, it seems. That's another reason to bring him back - I hope I can persuade him to come back. If nothing else I'm in dire need of guidance, or something. I need someone to talk this through with and to be honest, I'd rather not tell dad that I might be responsible for family deaths. He'd either beat me up or tell me I was a fool - neither of which would be helpful. What I need is some useful advice to help me avoid future errors like this.

Provided They don't kill us all in the meantime, of course.



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