THE KITCHEN OF ASTUS' SUBCONSCIOUS

Much like the kitchen in Amber. Seated around a table are several Asti in various forms. The door to the cold room is rattling violently, as though something were trying to escape.

An Asti dressed entirely in black is sobbing into his tankard of ale.

REASON: Aw, give it a rest Grief, you're not helping you know.

MERCY: (a childish looking version of Astus in dungarees) Leave him be, he's just doing his job.

SARCASM: Hmpf! Haven't seen much of him since the teddy bear copped it.

MERCY: That was an accident.

GUILT: (who is looking surprisingly healthy) How can you have an "accident" with a teddy bear and a blow torch?!

A sullen silence descends, broken only by the rattling door and Grief, who seems undaunted in his duties. Flippancy, who is currently emaciated and weak in appearance, looks around vaguely.

FLIPPANCY: Where's Astus, anyway?

SARCASM: Hammering out a surrender deal with Insanity.

HOPE: It's a test! No! No! A dream! A nightmare! That's it! A nightmare! Hahahahahahahaha!

REASON: What's the matter with Hope?

SARCASM: He suffered a hit and run when Insanity escaped from the dungeons.

REASON: So where's Sanity?

SARCASM: Hiding under the bed.

The door to the cold room comes crashing off its hinges and a very large Astus, made entirely of ice, bounds into the room brandishing a sword.

ANGER: Hahahahahaha! Fuckers! Thought you could hold me in there?! Well I've got news for you bastards! I'm too fucking big! You can't melt me! I'll flood the fucking kitchen!

REASON: Oh, sit down and shut-up. We need to think about this not go crashing into Chaos spilling blood. We don't even know who did it.

ANGER: Then we kill the whole fucking pack of scheming, stinking, cunts! Problem solved!

REASON: Didn't you do enough damage when you told Marcus to fuck off? 'Fuck you, fuck you all, fuck everything', wasn't it?

MERCY: (timidly) Maybe it was a mistake? Maybe they didn't mean to ...

Mercy is cut short by a large, icy sword. Several medics run into the room and cart off his small, twitching form.

ANGER: The same goes for any other piddling little bastard emotion that stands between me and the gaping, motherfucking, shapeshifting arsewipes that killed Gerard!

Grief breaks into a fresh round of howls and sobs with renewed vigour. Anger and Guilt increase in size visibly.

REASON: (looking pensive) Hold hard! What about the Trump of Death ... there's a chance that'll work.

DESPAIR: Never in a million, trillion years. We're all going to die.

REASON: No, no ... give Astus his due, he's pulled off weirder shit than this in his time. I think if anyone can get into the afterlife and back it's him. He has a talent for the bizarre.

SARCASM: it's about the only thing he does have a talent for. That and fucking up of course ...

GUILT: It's all his fault ... Dworkin said so!

FLIPPANCY: That's hardly fair ...

GUILT: Oh really? What about Trumping Gerard, at just the wrong moment! That's what got him killed wasn't it?!

Flippancy's eyes roll into the back of his head and he topples backwards off the bench. The medics scurry in, load him onto a stretcher, and scurry out again.

REASON: Well, I never thought I'd see that happen.

ANGER: He has no place in this affair.

REASON: But then, neither do we ... it is time, I think, for you and I to join forces ...

Anger nods and Reason stands up, allowing Anger to step inside him. The two merge and what stands there now is a strange combination of the two. Astus' usual gay regalia has faded to an even, iron grey and Cold Steel's blade is so black it swallows up the light. As the newly formed Vengeance sits down, frost creeps across the table.

GUILT: What about me?

SARCASM: Oh you'll get your chance ... right after Vengeance is done, I suspect. Providing you can drown out Grief of course ...

GRIEF: We will be in contest, you and I, Guilt ... I don't have your size, but I am powerful this time!

VENGEANCE: Enough! There is no time for anything but I! If we are successful in the afterlife, if we escape, information or not; Gerard or not ... blood will pay for this! A death is a death, Vengeance is Vengeance. I will have satisfaction.

SARCASM: Ooh, stirring stuff, Vengeance. I hope it helps when we step into Chaos and get leapt on by two hundred Chaosites.

VENGEANCE: We need a plan, a victim, a target for our rage. Failing that, we need a fast sword and a ready supply of Chaosites to rip apart. Mayhap the one responsible will happen upon Cold Steel in the process.

DESPAIR: We're all going to die.

VENGEANCE: Not before the debt is paid, I swear it. Besides .... (Vengeance chuckles in an evil fashion) I have an idea.

SARCASM: Now that is scary!

VENGEANCE: (his voice a low rumble) Chaos Cancer ... Bwuahahahahahaha! Now then, Steel ... how would you like a new coating? Bwuahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

SARCASM: And where are you going to find some, mastermind?

VENGEANCE: Hmpf! Even if we cannot find it, it would make a wonderful ruse, don't you think? Imagine their terror at the thought! Bwuahahahahahaha!

Sarcasm twirls a finger next to his head and takes a swig of his ale.

SARCASM: With you and Insanity in charge, I think we're in for an interesting time ...

GERARD'S SHIP - WAITING FOR TROUBLE

Title says it all about where I'm at now. How I got here is a little more complicated. This may take a while, but since I just got woken up by Tangent's parting shot and I'm not tired anymore, I have an hour or three to kill before dawn.

Hmm, where to begin? Such a lot has happened and some of it's a bit hazy. Well, let's see ... Random went away. Ingrid, a shape shifter from Chaos, came to Amber to die of Chaos Cancer. After a few teething problems with Angelic and Kharmane (the terrible Brand sisters - snort) she finally passed away on an obscure Shadow. We played poker (I lost badly, but not as badly as Phoenix) we had a morning practise with frying pans (never ever get that drunk or stoned again, it plays merry hell with the fighting abilities). Oh yeah, Dworkin turned up and took over the regency from dad - that got us worried. After the ball where I got my medal (way cool, I'll treasure it - stupidity at its height) dad left for the sea and Benedict went off to wreck havoc in my Shadow - well he had my sword and I didn't want to piss him off, okay?!

Next morning started out normal enough, until Marcus screamed. I never did figure out what he was screaming about, maybe he just checked his father's trump. I was running to see when I found myself on the Shadow side of the abyss standing next to Dworkin. Dworkin said, and I quote;

"It's all your fault, you didn't listen to Ingrid."

Then he jumped into the Abyss, saying something about having work to do. Not the best way to start the day, I can tell you. The Chaosites had noted my presence by this time (the "AAAAAaaaarrrrrrrrggggg! What are you doing?!" probably tipped them off.) So I Trumped out to Averick.

My town seemed a little deserted, so I tried Trumping Benedict. His card was warm, which worried me a bit, so I Trumped dad. Dad answered, said my name, then the contact got broken as a nine inch metal bolt went winging into his head.

I'm basically an optimist, but I don't think any of us could survive that. I don't remember too much immediately after that, I think I was in shock or summat - actually I think I'm still a bit fucked over by the whole thing. I remember finding him nailed to the mast with the symbol of Chaos cut into his chest and I remember pulling the bolt out of his head with pliers in the cold store; but all the bits inbetween are really hazy. I did a bit of door damage by all accounts. I don't know ... I ought to be over the grief and horror bit, considering. I ain't though. It still happened and I'm getting mood swings like you wouldn't believe. Belgium, man, Belgium.

The first concrete thought after that was to patch him up and get him back, so me, Dark and the kids went to 'Tangent's' Shadow and dropped him in a regen tank. I had to leave then, because of the Eccles, so I went back to Averick and sent all the wolves bar Night through to look after Dark and the kids.

Using the Trump of Death to take a trip to the afterlife turned out to be a bad plan, or so Tangent and Hetty reckoned. I believed Hetty, she never led me wrong - still miss her sometimes. Uh ... what happened after that? Oh, I must have zoned out again ... ah, what I remember is that the armies were advancing from Arden ...

Oh yeah! I went back to the fleet where Angelic was in charge (talk about horrible!). Rather than see father's ships get totalled, I took over. Marcus conjoured a hurricane and the enemy fleet got whopped by it. The odds went from ten to one to about five to one. Better but not good. Ran up the Red Penant to let the Chaos bastards know what they were in for and delivered a rousing (well I hope it was) speech; basically asking the men to take out the death of Gerard on the sons of whores approaching.

Angelic, to give her her due, did a good job scouting out the enemy fleet for me. When we were in grappling range I dived in to attempt scuttling the enemy ships. Sadly they were on to this and the water was full of mer-men. It didn't look good for me, so I climbed back onto the ship and had a warning run up on the flags. We dropped nets down to try and stop the mer-men from scuttling *us* and after that it was pretty much every man for himself.

One of Dara's children (from Phoenix - poor bastard) was leading the enemy attack and he called out for me, claiming to be the man that slew Benedict. I answered his cry and we met on my ship. He was an excellent swordsman, much better than I. His psyche was blocked and I eventually had little choice than to take the match to one of strength. It seemed that Dara had not been expecting this, for the match was much more even. Since we were both wearing invulnerability, it looked as though it was going to turn into an endurance contest, with both of us rolling around on the deck getting nowhere. I could hear Angelic screaming, but had my hands full. Lorenzo arrived via Angelic's Trump, and he may have saved the day had it not been for Cain's sudden arrival.

The first I knew of it was Cain's sword planted in the deck between my head and Dara's bastard pup. It seems that Cain has turned traitor, but it is Cain after all and I cannot tell. Cain had me in a very bad position, his foot on my head. I tried Trumping out and we both ended up in Averick. Cain did not attack me again ... now I have had time to think, I wonder that he did not kill me. The attacks he has perpetrated via Trump seem half-hearted (he missed both Marcus and I - he is better than that) and there is a chance that Cain is more on our side than it appears at first look. If he wanted me dead, he would surely have taken his chance when it came. Hmm, I will stay on the fence as far as he is concerned then, for now at least.

The fleet did badly, ending the day with three ships retreating and evacuating and twenty of the scum ships still standing. Considering the fact that most of what we had were Cain's seamen (IE: sadly neglected) I don't think we did that badly. I'm pissed off that I missed the end of it though.

Dark went missing, I don't know where. The kids were defending the Grove of the Unicorn. Anna refused to leave, so I fought with them. All I could find of Dark was a wretched shadow that had been drugged up. It started to rain and we were regularly attacked by the odd hundred Chaos scum. I was exhausted at this point, physically and emotionally. When the Unicorn arrived and indicated that I should return to Amber, I didn't even try arguing.

I can't remember the exact order of things after that. I know Illya found Dark, the real one. I know Phoenix and I were in the infirmary trying to catch some sleep after another battle when I remembered that I had left Gerard's body in the tank in Shadow. I was afraid that the Shadow Tangent would find it and do something ghastly, so I got up again and staggered off to harass the stable master.

On reaching the Shadow I was relieved to find that Gerard was where I had left him. The technicians told me they had done all they could, so I sat down, had a quick think and Trumped Death again.

Despite a long and bitter relationship with Tangent, it would appear that we have finally buried the hatchet. It feels strange, knowing that I'm very likely rid of him forever. What a relief.

We struck a deal, Tangent and I. How unusual.

For the record (just in case I was double-crossed) this was the plan. I gave Tangent a lift in my mind while I took Gerard's body through to Amber. When I arrived, I practically begged Marcus to lend me the Jewel of Judgement (I was suddenly glad of Random's absence - I doubt he'd have let me.) I took Gerard to the Pattern room and lay him down next to it. After a few piffling arguments from Lorenzo I finally had to swear that (as far as I know folks) no harm would come to Amber through this. Mind you, I'd have sworn that black was white if I'd have thought it would get me anywhere.

Tangent did something through the Jewel (I didn't have to attune - yay!) and raised a Pattern Ghost of Gerard, from the last time he walked the Pattern. The Ghost walked over to the body and kinda lay in it. Not long after, dad sat up and started asking a lot of questions. The deal wasn't done though and I waited while Tangent raised a Pattern Ghost of himself to step into. I gave him the other Dark, the Shadow one and let him wander off to deal with the Shadow Tangent. I was far more interested in dad at the time.

I have paid a price for this, I am sure of it. Still, I daresay I would have paid more if it had been asked of me. From the dream I just had, I'd say that I probably paid for Julian's resurrection too, I'll check his card in a moment. With any luck though (eep) Julian will forgive me my past actions in light of what I have done. I have, after all, given him and his son life. Let's hope so, eh?

Gerard lives! I'm so happy about this that even our present diabolical situation is not enough to quell my spirits. I am still vaguely worried that not all went well with the Pattern Ghost, so there are things I must check. For instance, the last two times Gerard has hit me, it hasn't been that hard and I managed to duck the third attempt. It could just be that he is in a good mood with me (it does happen) but I think I'll check anyway just to set my mind at rest.

I went out to look for my army in Averick. I found a house with a chaos symbol on the roof (I'll tear that blasted thing down later). Benedict's head was on top of the symbol. I wanted to get into the building, but I didn't want to lose the head, so I tied it to my belt with the full intention of boxing it up before I went back to Amber. The door to the building was some kinda chaos guard and the walls were invulnerable or better. There was an opening, but trapped and it probably had magical doobries on it too. I found a soft spot on the roof and cut my way in.

Leaving Half-Hazlen outside, Angelic and I descended into the building via a stairway hidden under a statue of Dara. There was some kinda weird chaosy door that led to a fleshy room with two logrus swords in it ... brrrrrr! Well rather than leave the swords there for any old Chaosites to pick up and use against us, I decided to get rid of them. It took a bit of faffing about, Angelic panicked (as usual - lord, she makes me look positively soporific). After much fuss and bother Gerard and I finally threw them off into the Abyss attached to a couple of anvils. Chaos should now know that Gerard is alive, since they were shouting "Jump! Jump!" at us.

Well, we've spent a deal of time rebuilding the fleet and discussing tactics. Benedict was brought back by Lorenzo (he had to get the technique out of my head - ack!) but it's great to have Benedict back again. Now if only Random and Vialle would turn up safe and sound my life would be complete (sigh). Mind you, he's going to be mega-pissed off with us considering the state of the place (not to mention the amount of Jewel-tunees).

The Chaos scum sent us a photograph of Random, Vialle and Cassandra's heads on spikes. I think it's a fake, Shadows or something. I certainly hope so. Lorenzo needs to be all together to help us best, but what with Sparkle, Cassandra and his father, I'm afraid his impatience might make him do something crazy. I'm Trumping him lots right now, giving him things to do.

Anna convinced the Unicorn to ask Dworkin for help. Anna says she has been back, but no one has seen the Unicorn since. I hope that's okay. Dad told me that Dworkin actually turned up in Amber and swiped the Jewel of Judgement before returning to the Abyss (we think). I wonder what he's doing? I wonder if he got the SOS?

Anna has been taking lessons from the Ice Queen. I have warned her, but she'll have to learn about her relatives the hard way, I guess. Jasmine has joined up with the guards and is giving them hell (grin). That'll pay 'em back for all that stupidity when Marcus first took over. Dark and the wolves are in Amber and safe, I hope, while I keep an eye on the old bear. He's teaching me navigation right now. It's pretty cool, I'm getting into this ship lark. This post has the added advantage of being unwanted by my peers - unless you count Angelic and personally I don't. I spent all those years avoiding the fleet like the plague and now I changed my mind. I kinda wish I'd paid more attention earlier, but hell, I'm learning now. The bear should be pleased, anyway.

Well, I guess it's just a case of waiting now to see what Benedict comes up with. I can check Julian's Trump. I can work on the hellish complexities of the sextant. I can convince Gerard to join me in a barrel tossing competition to make sure he's okay. I can think up something really nice to do for Dark after all she's put up with. I can retrieve the bolt from Shadow (shudder) and see if I can figure out what it's made of and its properties. Oh yes, and I can devise ways to end that bitch, Dara's, life. That stinking cow's got it coming. Sure Gerard's alive now, but I haven't forgotten what she did. I will never forget; how could I?

Hmm, dawn: pressups (sigh) carta#2 ... later.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?!

Hmm, well, it would appear that Julian is still dead - Tangent's idea of a joke, I suppose.

Okay, what happened ... in what order? So much keeps happening and it all gets mixed up. Oh, yeah, I remember what came first.

Marcus Trumped to tell me that Benedict wanted to see us all one by one in the library. I told Marcus I'd pass the message on, which I did, merely neglecting to mention the one by one part of it. Dad got the hump about that, but I didn't want him out there on his own ... I've gotten real paranoid about that, it's wearing off a little, but I'm still edgy. Although I guess pointing out that he should have thought of leaving a Trump with the ship didn't help his mood <grin>.

The meeting with Benedict was interesting. He asked me what I thought my strengths and weakness' were, so I told him as much as I could think of. I hope I didn't leave anything important out, because I found out later that it was some kinda test, though a test of what, I'm not sure. I asked if it was a test of honesty or a test of intelligence and he said a bit of both (and probably a bit of something else too). Illya was snooping using those boxes in Dworkin's cave, so I hope I didn't give her anything useful, information wise. I'd really like to see those boxes back in Dworkin's hands actually. Maybe I can see that they are ... I'll think about it.

Well, we kinda kicked about in Amber for the rest of the day, because Benedict wanted us to stay there (Gerard appears to be okay, physically - the practise yard convinced me of that). Kharmain and Angelic spent the whole time bickering as I recall. I tried talking some sense into them and Kharmain seemed to listen, but Angelic had her bottom lip jutting out so far we could have put a table cloth on it and had dinner there. I took her aside and tried again, but I don't think I made a very good job of it ... I was trying to tell her that I really don't want two of my newest relatives to kill themselves off - especially since I haven't had the chance to get to know them particularly well - but I think I just sounded pissed off. Oh well, they can do what they like from now on and I'll let Random sort them out.

Dad, Phoenix, Illya and Marcus went to talk with Phoenix's son. It would appear that that son had nothing to do with the attack on Gerard's ship, so that solves a potentially awkward situation. I'm pretty sure Phoenix would never forgive me for hammering a bolt through his kid's head. I suspect that the young git I met during the fleet battle was the one responsible (directly) and he is already dead. Looks like I'll just have to settle for nailing Dara's head to the deck (hopefully).

A truly enormous Chaos army was on the way and Benedict wanted us all to be in different places. I argued the toss a bit but he said that unless we did as he said he'd leave us to it. That left me with no choice at all really ... I gave Gerard the bolt after carving his name on it, in the vague hope that it might express my feelings on the matter slightly better than my mouth. Which wouldn't be difficult, let's face it.

Unbeknown to me, my daughters spent the battle defending the Grove of the Unicorn, Dark was in Amber, I think, and dad was with the fleet. I got the unusual honour of being with Benedict's group.

We rode out on Phoenix's dragons; Benedict, Lorenzo, Phoenix, Kodak and Grush. Along with about forty of the best troops we could muster. The Chaosites were coming through gates (like the Chaos house in my Shadow) so I asked Socrates (my mount) to drop me off on the roof. I hacked my way in via the same soft spot that I'd previously noted; and dropped in quickly in an effort to surprise the occupants.

I was pretty surprised myself when I found how many there were in there and I backed into a corner so that they couldn't all get to me at once. About then Lorenzo dropped in and the two of us started to tackle the forty-odd Chaosites. I let loose with the wolves and Lorenzo sent out these weird furry, teethy things. Things got very messy very quickly. Blood and guts everywhere, it was a slaughter house.

After clearing most of the upper chamber, we started fighting out way down the stairs in an effort to shut off the influx of Chaos bastards. I called the wolves down and only got ten of them - I was informed by Night that Blood had gone a "bit spastic" because Sun had died. I could hear the commotion from upstairs.

Whilst Lorenzo was doing building damage and I was trying to hold off the new arrivals, this bitch from Chaos turned up in logrus armour wielding a logrus sword. She told the mini platoon with her to get me while she took on Lorenzo.

There weren't *that* many of them, about half a dozen I think, and they were all worse than me - but outnumbered is outnumbered. I ended up hacking my way back to the stairs so that I could get a little height advantage and to stop them from attacking anywhere but the front.

I had whittled the opponents down by half and was tackling the last three when I heard a sorta *whoosh! Bamf! Bang!* from the lower chamber where Lorenzo and my wolves where fighting the Chaos bitch. I had taken quite a few nasty nicks at this point and I was quite keen on finishing the affair. I intended to jump up a step or two and shout "your leader is dead!" (whether she was or not) in an effort to unnerve them and give me some openings. It was a really unfortunate time to find a pool of blood and I fell back against the stairs and took a couple of nasty strokes from their blades.

Blood loss at this time was becoming a factor (in both senses of the word) and I screamed for Blood to come give me a hand (he was still worrying the corpses upstairs). Blood barrelled down the stairs and sent one of them flying, which effectively ended the fight. I impaled the left one (oh yeah, I was fighting left-handed at this point, which probably didn't help) and I kicked the last man down into Blood's waiting jaws. Game over, man.

Lorenzo was lying on the floor, unscathed apparently, apart from a scorched hand and some knacked armour (that's what happens when Pattern meets logrus, I suppose). In the battle I had lost Sun, Pearl and Cloud. Some of the other wolves were badly wounded, so I changed them all back to marbles before they could get any worse.

By the time Lorenzo had taken the wall out, I was feeling really rather tired. I bound up my wounds so that I wouldn't bleed to death and the last thing I remember at that place is someone trying to convince me to walk back to Amber or something ... that probably wasn't what they meant, actually, but I was a bit out of it.

After that I found myself in the infirmary getting tortured by Dark with a bottle of iodine. I dimly remember being told about Anna and Jasmine being safe and Gerard's return. Then I had some really freaky dream about a chicken leg attacking a bunch of triangle-cut tuna and cress sandwiches. Mind you, it's the closest thing to a good dream I've had for weeks.

Flora had arranged a memorial service for all the dead and everyone went along to that. It was really fucking depressing. There's a place for Gerard and Benedict and I wonder (not for the first time) if there's a dead Gerard out there somewhere being really pissed off with me for getting a 'replacement'. It's a vastly unhappy thought. I waited till late to pay my respects, it'd be incredibly rude to blub over Gerard when he was there, if you see what I mean. Dark came along too ... perhaps she understands - heck, she probably understands me better than I do.

After a week or two I was more or less fit again. Still a bit achy in places, but nothing that would slow me in a fight. Uncle Random, Aunt Vialle and Cassandra came back from the other multiverse without a scratch.

I'm not sure how they managed it, but Marcus and Lorenzo apparently kept my name out of the whole affair, because Random never yelled at me at all. I dropped off to see him, gave him a present for Vialle (for all the baby-sitting) and asked him if he'd thought my transfer request over. It's official, I'm on the fleet. Cool.

Dark has started work on Operation Gerard - back under way in earnest, could sixteen years of plotting really be coming together? She had the neat idea of making a tailor-made woman for him. I chatted with him about women and stuff and got a fairly good idea of what he'd like. I just hope the clone thingy can come up with someone strong enough. It'd be nice to think that he might actually appreciate this, but I guess I'll be keeping a low profile when we spring her on him. Let's face it, he isn't as daft as he makes out and the sheer physical resemblance to his description is gonna tip him off.

Talking of Gerards ... I ran into him on my way back from Random's rooms and he told me that we were gonna be out (somewhere) for a month and I was to make arrangements. It's all to do with what we talked about - something to do with Oberon and something he left dad ... or something. Anyway, I was well excited and we left on board ship the next day.

Dad gave me a psychic barrier as soon as we left the port and told me that I was to keep it on the whole time, so it doesn't look as if I'll be doing much in the way of reading at all. We've left the Shadow paths now and if we're following a mapped route it isn't one that I've seen. Dad's keeping pretty quiet about the whole thing and I've been avoiding the urge to ask stupid questions, 'cos if he was going to tell me anything more he'd probably have done it already.

Bursting with curiosity, though. Where are we going? What are we gonna do when we get there? What's this mysterious something (or someone - but that's too nasty to contemplate ... besides, he'd give me a little more warning if it was *that* wouldn't he?).

It's all kinda weird actually ... I don't feel any wiser than I was when we talked about this. Sadder, more paranoid, less inclined to descend into alcoholic oblivion, but wiser? I still say stupid things (witness the conversation with Phoenix about Benedict's resurrection). I still do dumb things ... maybe slightly less dumb than previously, but still. It's kinda touching that the old bear has so much faith in me, I suppose. I just hope I live up to his expectations on this one. The way he's acting I'm not sure if he'd be very forgiving if I screwed up.

ASTUS MENTAL DIARY

Only accessible via mindrape

In the less seedy parts of Astus' memory, somewhere where insanity rarely gets a look in and flippancy is allowed on an invite-only basis, there is a room that resembles the pattern room quite strongly. Behind it's locked doors are a variety of curious objects, all labelled with little tags, most of which say something along the lines of; 'keep this to yourself indefinitely'.

Those nearest the doors include such trivial childhood oddities as "Astus' tutor, Mufrake - fate of" and "Astus' first crush - Mulligan"

Further back the items become more and more recent and relatively more important. From, "Astus' favours owed - relatives" to the "Astus' besott-o-meter - Dark" which resides in a freezer which steams when you open the door.

The most recent addition to this treasure trove of secrets is a huge tungsten safe with more locks than you can shake a stick at. Nestled on a red cushion within it is a gold-edged trump deck and the pages of a diary that was never written ...

Oberon is alive ... it was a bit of a shock. Dad took me to an uncharted island where Oberon has a mansion of some kind. He left me alone to talk to the big O and I must confess that to begin with I felt a little as if he'd thrown me to the lions.

Oberon's actually quite a cool guy. He's still scary, I mean, I wouldn't cross the guy for all of Shadow. He isn't at all what I had him pinned down as though. We chatted over tea and toast of all things ... my life resembles a H. Pinter play more and more. It seems that father and I are the only two that actually know any of this, which is weird. I am not used to being trusted. I'm not sure if I'm more honoured or terrified.

Oberon seems to have been keeping an eye on me, which is scary all by itself. Now I know how I got the trumps back into my deck that time. He says that he sometimes turns up at the Castle in disguise and I wonder if I'll ever notice in future. I suspect not, but it will keep me on my toes if nothing else. He said that I had made mistakes (no shit) but that he was relatively pleased with me so far. That was a surprise, I don't think any of the Elders have actually admitted to being pleased with me, ever. I don't feel so bad about a lot of things now. Just so long as it doesn't go to my head.

I asked him about the Pattern Ghost of Gerard and he put my mind a little easier on that. There is a problem, though. The ghosts are linked to those that raise them ... should Tangent or Gerard ever die, I die too. It's a three way deal, none of us can afford the deaths of the others. I hope Tangent looks after himself this time! I must make sure that Lorenzo doesn't go banana's with the resurrection thing. I'm quite happy to be linked with Gerard and (hey-ho) Tangent, that's a price I would have been willing to pay even if I had known of it. Lorenzo on the other hand, could be getting out of his depth.

Oberon asked about my children and gave a little advice. When they are 'ready' (I'll lean on Gerard's experience for that, I think) he wants me to take them to see him. Did he mean together or one by one? Do you have to Trump ahead to let him know you're coming or what? Hmm. I'll ask Gerard at a later date. I'm glad O restricted his questioning to my immediate family; it would have been awkward to describe those I am less fond of ... particularly Cain, who is O's direct son.

I was given a new set of Trumps. They are gold-edged, with the Pattern backing instead of the unicorn. All of us are there, even the recent additions - Oberon made them.

Apparently, once I have got the hang of them, they will cut through most barriers. That could be very useful indeed, but I think I'll only use them when they will not be seen, unless it's a dire emergency. I can create a cover story for them (I could always say that Dworkin gave them to me - which ought to put off any experimenters). On the whole, though, safer to keep them out of sight and out of use. Illya's curiosity, should she ever see them, could be very awkward. (Player comment - unless otherwise indicated, all Trump calls will be made with the standard deck - any practice Astus needs with the new deck can be done on the quiet with Gerard.)

The most worrying thing about the whole conversation was a mention he made of a set of beings who are to us (Amberites) as we are to Chaos. He reckons they'll show up sooner or later and he wasn't exactly bursting with confidence as to the outcome.

On the whole, though, it was a pleasant surprise all round. I should have more faith in the old bear, I suppose.

In Oberon's garden (or whatever he calls the wild bit) I picked up some replacement pack members for my wolves. It should be fun getting to know them.

Now I have some cover stories to fabricate ...

HOME SWEET HOME

After a lengthy absence, it's very good to be back in Amber. Especially during this current period of peace and quiet (unless you count the occasional screeching arguments twixt Kharmain and Angelic). I suggested to Random that he give those two something constructive to do around here. Keep them out of trouble and maybe the responsibility will have as good an effect on them as it has on me. In all honesty, Angelic is so like me when I first returned to Amber (after my 30 year strop). It would be nice if she didn't have to go through what I did before she learns a little sense.

Gerard took me off into Shadow as previously mentioned and showed me some of the niftiest bits of Shadow I've ever seen. I learnt an awful lot about the running of ships while I was out there and he taught me a few tricks privy to the old hands which I shall be keeping to myself. It was a month well spent at any rate and I even caught a porpoise while we were out there (does that mean I have had a porpoise in life? Snort!) While we were out there I picked up some new pack members for the wolves - Surprise; Wisdom; Fang and Trust. Also I found out some interesting facts about Pattern Ghosts (Unseen University when we swung by it). I must tell Lorenzo.

Not long after we got back from that he sent me off to a mega-fast Shadow to go through surgery training (a year to a day - very confusing). It was a blast for the most part. Of course it would have been even more fun if Dark and the kids had been there, I missed them a lot. I made sure that I paid enough attention to my lessons and very nearly got straight A's, though.

I made a few friends while I was there, Rick(p), a maniacal little runt who came up with most of the best party ideas. Bulldog, the Band On The Run's roadie (Shadow of dad, I'm sure) who had *the* most hideous girlfriend. Still looks aren't everything, she was nicer than Claudia(legs), the band female vocalist (bit of a flirt - I'm just glad they didn't sic her on me). Herman(Pee-Wee) on bass, the group's twitcher (grin) and Torantino(Animal) who *finally* got the hang of rhythm (halfway through Walk on the Wild Side in The Brighton Sea-Front Eaterie if I remember correctly - shame we weren't at a gig really).

On the terms off I spent my time at sea or on an island I found. Anyone visiting there in the near future is gonna wonder what the heck happened to all the trees and rocks, but I had to keep up with the training somehow. Apart from one term when me and the lads took a spin round Europe - I met Phoenix in Amsterdam (Rick wanted me to smuggle out some hash, quite a lot of it actually). I must remember to tell Phoenix that I slowed the place down just before I left, I want to keep seeing the lads - me and my 'Portuguese' wife, who will naturally have to wear a hat or something for 'religious' purposes (grin). I'd better not take Anna and Jasmine though ... two teenage kids might be hard to explain, maybe I can pass 'em off as my sisters or something.

When I got back Gerard was waiting for my exam results. 'Not bad', indeed! Hmpf! *And* the principle had snitched about the incident with his wig (superglued to the anatomy skeleton - Woo-Hoo-Hoo!). Mind you, at least the fencing instructor didn't have a chance to report on his rather surprising undressing (smirk). The advantage of that experience is now I know how to fight really badly with a sword ... I may need to one day.

Even so, it's good to be back. Benedict has sorted out my Shadow for me (for which I am grateful) and I sent the troops back with Half-Hazlen and Kodak. I'm a qualified MD or summat, so that should help next time anything dangerous happens.

Operation Gerard is go! Dark finished the clone, complete with false memory and we called her Rosemary (what's her second name?) We faked a sea-monster attack and left her adrift on a raft directly in Gerard's way. I wiped her memories of Dark and I and we created a bunch of physical evidence to back up her false memories. I kept an eye on her to make sure she'd be alright until dad turned up and did his knight in shining armour bit (huge grin). He's currently trying to get her a job in Amber and they've been spending a reasonable amount of time together. Hehehehehehe ... this is gonna be great to watch. Fingers crossed for the bear - I hope to see them together at the next ball. Play it cool, Astus, don't blow it.

All I really have on my mind right now apart from that is the desire to do something neat for Dark. Hmm, I wonder what would go down well? The trouble is there's nothing I can't do, so it's hard to decide what would be really special. I'll have a think about it.

BACK to front page!